So naturally I've been doing a lot of thinking about spirituality these last few days and my husband and I have had some great conversations.

My beliefs may be a hodge podge of things, but overall it just feels "right" to me and helps me deal with things my mortal brain cannot handle. I am of the belief that everything does happen for a reason and that everything is pre-ordained. It's not that I believe god is making decisions for us, it's that the god I believe in is omniscient and the decisions we make are already known. Our spirits choose the incarnations to accomplish certain things during each lifecycle. We aren't fully aware of this of course

So I'm trying to put myself in Kathryn's place to some extent and determine what I believe about her son's passing. I'm sure once the sadness has ebbed away a bit some people will start thinking that the decision to homebirth was a faulty one. That if she had been having him in a hospital this likely wouldn't have happened. I don't think I believe that. I think that, again, everything happens as it's supposed to happen on some higher level we aren't privy to.

My husband doesn't believe this. He believes we fully have free will and can and do make mistakes or make decisions on our own. I couldn't make him understand that I do believe we make decisions but I think the results of those decisions, the decisions themselves, are known by some higher power. That the decisions have been made on some level, we just aren't aware of it.

Even though it may sound hurtful to some people, I do believe that even those spirits whose lives cause us pain have chosen that path. That some spirits just need a brief time on this earth to do what they need to do. Some might just need a gestational period in which to be loved and cared for and not much more. I know people who have dealt with the death of a child might be offended by this so I don't voice this belief much. For me personally, I think it helps me to think that when a person's life ends, that's when it was supposed to end, that's when that spirit needed to go, chose to go in some pre-human existance. Of course the pain that's left behind is palpable and difficult to come to terms with, but my belief remains that there is purpose to it.