So let's talk about just how far I've gone off the deep end.

For the last week or so I've had this niggling thought that I could be pregnant. We messed up at a really bad time and I was having really weird symptoms that I usually don't have before my period AND my temperatures seemed to support it. Of course when my friends at a site I visit saw my chart and put two and two together they were also getting a bit concerned about the possibility.

Well, my temperature went down today and a few people from that site are suddenly pregnant and I want to be to! How whacked is that?! I don't need a fourth kid, not sure I could handle a fourth kid...but here I sit. I know this would have been really bad timing for so many reasons, so why am I feeling a bit sad that it's not going to happen? I guess that's normal. After a week of sort of getting used to the possibility and the excitement about the "what if's" it's a bit of a letdown.

Oh well, such is life. There are reasons to be glad it's not happening right now. I guess I'll always be one of those people who wants to be pregnant and misses it. And I think I have an idealized view of it all. I mean, I handle it well. I don't get sick much and I enjoy the being pregnant, but a lot of other things I'm not so realistic about. I'm not realistic about what my husband's reaction would have been (not happy!), I'm not realistic about how it would have effected our situation and family. Sure my daughter has been asking for a baby sister, but the reality of it just isn't that easy.

It's not the end of the world, either way. We'd have dealt with it if I had been pregnant and I'll be okay since I'm not. Ain't no thang but a chicken wing! (why do I always say that and sound utterly dorky when I do? I dunno)