The last few weeks have been a whirlwind. Lily will be 5 weeks tomorrow and she's beautiful and serene. She sleeps through the night already, and during the day will have alert times where she just watches the world going on around her. Obviously, we're totally smitten!
We're dealing with some issues though. When we first saw Lily, I had thoughts of Down syndrome. I knew I had an increased risk due to the rpd we saw on the ultrasound at 20 weeks, but I figured that's why it was on my mind and I let it go. The next day, I asked my husband if he saw what I did and we made an appointment to take her to the pediatrician. He said he could also see what I was seeing, but wasn't overly concerned. He ordered the test, but the lab here couldn't do the test since it wasn't a common test and they hesitated to do it on such a small baby when they weren't very experienced. Tomorrow, we'll be going down to Children's Hospital to have the blood drawn for the test. This is after my midwives also mentioned it and thought I should have the test and various friend and relatives have confided they thought the same thing. I'm almost sure she does have it.
While I've been feeling pretty okay with all this, feeling like whatever the outcome we'll manage, I'm having moments of worry. And I think it's not unfounded. I'll be fine one minute then realize this means she won't have children, likely won't marry, won't get past a certain point and into what most of us would call "normal" adulthood. Then I'm trying to be uber PC, and not say "normal" as if it's the opposite of her. Obviously she's her own normal. I start wondering what will have to change in our lives; will we still be able to homeschool our other children, would be homeschool her or would it be better for her to get more socialization through a school environment, how will this effect the plans we had made for the rest of our lives. It's silly, because no one knows what the future holds. There's no way to say we'd all have had this "normal" existence even without this one extra little chromosome...it's all just pipe dreams.
We'll know a bit more tomorrow...then the actual results can take up to 2 weeks to get back. I really think it's just a formality though.
Monday, May 29, 2006
Friday, May 05, 2006
On Monday April 24, 11 days before my due date, I was feeling crampy and just…off. But I knew I normally didn’t birth “early” so I wasn’t particularly worried. I figured my body was just gearing up for the big show in the next few weeks.
Color me surprised when I started noticing “different” contractions late Monday night. These were painful, but they were only waking me every hour or so. Too far apart to get overly excited about, and I needed my sleep so I tried my best to assume they were just strong BH contractions. At around 3:30 and during a very odd dream about a car chase and a serval cat lol I was having a contraction *in* the dream and woke to find out I was actually having it in the waking world as well. They kept coming at about 10 minutes apart. I got up to see if they continued, they did. I puttered around, doing dishes and cleaning house…looking up every now and again to make a mental note of the time with each contraction. When they went down to 5 minutes apart around 5 a.m., I decided I should probably put my midwives on yellow alert since they were all an hour away. I wasn’t sure I was ready to tell them to come: I didn’t want to have them driving up for a false alarm. At about 5:30, though, I had bloody show and the contrax were 4 minutes apart and hard. I called Abby again and said “come”. She called the other two midwives and they were on their way.
In the meantime, I actually get scared. I have a fleeting thought of an epidural and the hospital lol I think it was just knowing the train was now really rolling and there were no stops until birth. Knowing these pains were only going to get worse until I pushed her out. I fight this hesitation, this fear, for quite some time, fighting the contractions as well. The pool was filling and I was really wanting to get in. At around 7, the midwives get here. We chat a bit, and I find I’m feeling better just knowing they’re here. I trust them completely. I was able to relax a bit with them here. I finally get in the pool – it’s not full but I don’t care. It helps a bit, but what helps more than anything are my midwives, taking turns talking me through contractions, reminding me to relax and not fight it. The contractions never got crazy and I was able to stay on top of them with a lot of vocalization. I was fighting with myself about getting checked; I wanted to know if I was getting close but if I was still only a few centimeters dilated I would be frustrated. I decided to get out of the water and go use the bathroom. As I stood up, this contraction hit me that seemed to go on forever, it was at least two contractions at once. Finally I was able to maneuver out of the pool and get to the bathroom upstairs. As I sat down, another strong contraction hit me and I had to stand back up and rock at the sink. I finally peed and stood back up and yet another two very strong contractions came back to back. Abby said I could do this fast taking these contractions which were obviously so much more productive or taking it more slowly by getting back in the pool where I would have more manageable contractions. I wanted back in that pool! By the time I got back downstairs into the water, the next contractions was hitting me. But…now I wanted to push! Apparently I really needed those last strong ones to get complete. It was around 8am at this point, so things were going much faster than I had thought…yet at the time, in the midst of labor, it didn’t seem so quick!
I think Kelley asked me if I wanted to birth in the pool, and I said no. I recalled with Mace I wanted to push out of water rather than in it, and the water was getting a bit cool besides. They said then I needed to get out quickly before another contraction hit. I got out and the first place I went was to my couch and lied down.
Abby checked to make sure I was indeed complete…I remember sheer panic at the thought of her saying I wasn’t complete because I knew I could not fight these pushing urges. I was not controlling them at all, they were coming from somewhere else completely. Thankfully, I was complete and she could feel my sac bulging (so it hadn’t broken in the water like we had wondered). But the head was still pretty high up. So there was lots of work ahead. I didn’t like lying down, so got up into a squatting position in front of the couch with lots of cushions in front of me to steady myself with. That was better, but not all that much. Abby asked me to stand and have Scott support me. I didn’t know how I would stand up, but somehow I did. Those pushes were very effective, though I had to be very conscious about relaxing my bottom; I could tell when I tensed up she didn’t come down as far but when I relaxed the push was more effective. Abby told me the baby had moved down about 4 inches in just a few pushes! And it was here I felt something I’ve never felt before, I could FEEL Lily moving around inside me, I could feel her head turning in there. But I was tired…I wanted to lie down again, and this time I got into a side lying position. This is where things got interesting, and my memory is a bit cloudy because she was getting ready to crown. She kept coming out a bit then retreating when I’d stop pushing so I tried to make myself push without contractions which helped a bit. I heard Abby say, with resolute calmness, “your water just broke…there’s meconium in it…when we get the head out, you need to stop pushing so we can suction her out”…I just registered what she was saying and focused on doing exactly what she told me. I pushed harder the next time and her head was out. Thankfully, that was the end of that contraction so I didn’t have another pushy urge right away; I was able to pant through until they got her suctioned a bit. Then they told me to go ahead and push and I did, with everything I had in me. This felt different than any of my other births though and at one point I screamed, something hurt. Normally, that last pushing after crowning is so easy for me and the baby just flows out. Something was different this time though. Within a few moments though, Lily was out and on my chest. She was born after just 30 minutes of pushing. She was very purple and very quiet, and covered in meconium. Kelley and Audra were working to get her pinked up and Kelley started giving her a bit of oxygen. They listened to see if the meconium had gotten into her lungs; it didn’t seem to be. Audra used the deLee to suction her mouth and nose a bit more. She gradually started making noises and turned a more normal shade of pink. As we’re holding her and getting her going, Abby tells me Lily was posterior, just like Mace was. Since my labor was not back labor, we think, again like Mace, she’d turned to posterior to get out. But she also had “sticky shoulders” (slight shoulder dystocia) and I think that’s where the pain came in. Abby had had to turn her inside me. Normally she’d have tried a positioning change, but since Lily was so purple she needed to do something more quickly. Apparently, my water was full of meconium…it had even stained the placenta. And the placenta itself was deteriorating. One of the best things about this labor and birth was how it led me to believe, even more than I did before, that nature and our bodies really know what they’re doing. My body knew it was time for this baby to come, for her own safety. Amazing.
I will be forever grateful to my wonderful midwives, who kept their cool and were able to take care of several problems that could have been much worse. They never got panicked, they just did what needed to be done.
In the end, Lily weighed the same as her brother before her, 11lbs 8oz, and was 22 inches long. She is doing great now and I’m feeling fantastic! I had no tears at all and have been so surprised at just how “normal” I feel already!
So there you have it. She's here and we're all trying to get accustomed to life with four kids. It's been easy in some ways, it seems like she's just melted into our family and everything is business as usual. But Mace is a bit unsure of her; he likes her but still wants to be the baby instead of her. And I have moments of panic, mentally ticking off my kids and their various locations throughout the day. Overall, life is good though!
Color me surprised when I started noticing “different” contractions late Monday night. These were painful, but they were only waking me every hour or so. Too far apart to get overly excited about, and I needed my sleep so I tried my best to assume they were just strong BH contractions. At around 3:30 and during a very odd dream about a car chase and a serval cat lol I was having a contraction *in* the dream and woke to find out I was actually having it in the waking world as well. They kept coming at about 10 minutes apart. I got up to see if they continued, they did. I puttered around, doing dishes and cleaning house…looking up every now and again to make a mental note of the time with each contraction. When they went down to 5 minutes apart around 5 a.m., I decided I should probably put my midwives on yellow alert since they were all an hour away. I wasn’t sure I was ready to tell them to come: I didn’t want to have them driving up for a false alarm. At about 5:30, though, I had bloody show and the contrax were 4 minutes apart and hard. I called Abby again and said “come”. She called the other two midwives and they were on their way.
In the meantime, I actually get scared. I have a fleeting thought of an epidural and the hospital lol I think it was just knowing the train was now really rolling and there were no stops until birth. Knowing these pains were only going to get worse until I pushed her out. I fight this hesitation, this fear, for quite some time, fighting the contractions as well. The pool was filling and I was really wanting to get in. At around 7, the midwives get here. We chat a bit, and I find I’m feeling better just knowing they’re here. I trust them completely. I was able to relax a bit with them here. I finally get in the pool – it’s not full but I don’t care. It helps a bit, but what helps more than anything are my midwives, taking turns talking me through contractions, reminding me to relax and not fight it. The contractions never got crazy and I was able to stay on top of them with a lot of vocalization. I was fighting with myself about getting checked; I wanted to know if I was getting close but if I was still only a few centimeters dilated I would be frustrated. I decided to get out of the water and go use the bathroom. As I stood up, this contraction hit me that seemed to go on forever, it was at least two contractions at once. Finally I was able to maneuver out of the pool and get to the bathroom upstairs. As I sat down, another strong contraction hit me and I had to stand back up and rock at the sink. I finally peed and stood back up and yet another two very strong contractions came back to back. Abby said I could do this fast taking these contractions which were obviously so much more productive or taking it more slowly by getting back in the pool where I would have more manageable contractions. I wanted back in that pool! By the time I got back downstairs into the water, the next contractions was hitting me. But…now I wanted to push! Apparently I really needed those last strong ones to get complete. It was around 8am at this point, so things were going much faster than I had thought…yet at the time, in the midst of labor, it didn’t seem so quick!
I think Kelley asked me if I wanted to birth in the pool, and I said no. I recalled with Mace I wanted to push out of water rather than in it, and the water was getting a bit cool besides. They said then I needed to get out quickly before another contraction hit. I got out and the first place I went was to my couch and lied down.
Abby checked to make sure I was indeed complete…I remember sheer panic at the thought of her saying I wasn’t complete because I knew I could not fight these pushing urges. I was not controlling them at all, they were coming from somewhere else completely. Thankfully, I was complete and she could feel my sac bulging (so it hadn’t broken in the water like we had wondered). But the head was still pretty high up. So there was lots of work ahead. I didn’t like lying down, so got up into a squatting position in front of the couch with lots of cushions in front of me to steady myself with. That was better, but not all that much. Abby asked me to stand and have Scott support me. I didn’t know how I would stand up, but somehow I did. Those pushes were very effective, though I had to be very conscious about relaxing my bottom; I could tell when I tensed up she didn’t come down as far but when I relaxed the push was more effective. Abby told me the baby had moved down about 4 inches in just a few pushes! And it was here I felt something I’ve never felt before, I could FEEL Lily moving around inside me, I could feel her head turning in there. But I was tired…I wanted to lie down again, and this time I got into a side lying position. This is where things got interesting, and my memory is a bit cloudy because she was getting ready to crown. She kept coming out a bit then retreating when I’d stop pushing so I tried to make myself push without contractions which helped a bit. I heard Abby say, with resolute calmness, “your water just broke…there’s meconium in it…when we get the head out, you need to stop pushing so we can suction her out”…I just registered what she was saying and focused on doing exactly what she told me. I pushed harder the next time and her head was out. Thankfully, that was the end of that contraction so I didn’t have another pushy urge right away; I was able to pant through until they got her suctioned a bit. Then they told me to go ahead and push and I did, with everything I had in me. This felt different than any of my other births though and at one point I screamed, something hurt. Normally, that last pushing after crowning is so easy for me and the baby just flows out. Something was different this time though. Within a few moments though, Lily was out and on my chest. She was born after just 30 minutes of pushing. She was very purple and very quiet, and covered in meconium. Kelley and Audra were working to get her pinked up and Kelley started giving her a bit of oxygen. They listened to see if the meconium had gotten into her lungs; it didn’t seem to be. Audra used the deLee to suction her mouth and nose a bit more. She gradually started making noises and turned a more normal shade of pink. As we’re holding her and getting her going, Abby tells me Lily was posterior, just like Mace was. Since my labor was not back labor, we think, again like Mace, she’d turned to posterior to get out. But she also had “sticky shoulders” (slight shoulder dystocia) and I think that’s where the pain came in. Abby had had to turn her inside me. Normally she’d have tried a positioning change, but since Lily was so purple she needed to do something more quickly. Apparently, my water was full of meconium…it had even stained the placenta. And the placenta itself was deteriorating. One of the best things about this labor and birth was how it led me to believe, even more than I did before, that nature and our bodies really know what they’re doing. My body knew it was time for this baby to come, for her own safety. Amazing.
I will be forever grateful to my wonderful midwives, who kept their cool and were able to take care of several problems that could have been much worse. They never got panicked, they just did what needed to be done.
In the end, Lily weighed the same as her brother before her, 11lbs 8oz, and was 22 inches long. She is doing great now and I’m feeling fantastic! I had no tears at all and have been so surprised at just how “normal” I feel already!
So there you have it. She's here and we're all trying to get accustomed to life with four kids. It's been easy in some ways, it seems like she's just melted into our family and everything is business as usual. But Mace is a bit unsure of her; he likes her but still wants to be the baby instead of her. And I have moments of panic, mentally ticking off my kids and their various locations throughout the day. Overall, life is good though!
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