We went apeshit for Christmas. Well, not completely apeshit as we don't have the finances to accommodate such. But we spent more than we should have.

Every year, I try to be one of those people who can just let go of the Christmas overload, who can effectively stick it to the Christmas machine. The ones who can make all their gifts, who can have one or two gifts for their kids without the all encompassing guilt. I want to be one of those people...really, I do. But every year I get derailed. I want the kids to have things they're going to love. And unfortunately I find the one "gift they'e going to love" at every store. And I buy it.

Fortunately, this year has been fairly easy. All the extended family on my side decided to draw names, and only for the kids. That worked out very well financially, plus on my side of the family we mostly just want the kids to have a good Christmas. My in-laws are few so that's fairly easy to accomplish. We spent the most on the kids, which is as it should be I think. I also spent a bit more than usual on my husband's gifts. I bought him a didgeridoo and a Tibetan singing bowl, both very cool and he will really love them. I'm also going to make him an appointment with his favorite Chiropractor because he always puts that off.

I did make some things to give out. I made candy buckeyes and Christmas cut out cookies, stuck them in tins and gave them to family and friends. The kids made the aforementioned bookmarks, chocolate-covered spoons and hot chocolate and soaps. So at the very least, the kids are getting to learn that Christmas is more than just receiving, and that hand made gifts can be a real treasure. We also have them make a donation to Heifer International, to buy chickens for a couple families in third world countries; one of those "not a hand out, a hand up" type organizations. Very cool. If you don’t already know about them check out their site.

So we went a bit overboard. I don't think the kids really expect so much, or need it, but I enjoy buying gifts! What can I say? I do need to get a handle on it though...maybe next year.

Christmas season is upon up, and with it comes your old friend and mine, Santa Claus.

I've been reading some recent message board threads about Santa and whether or not people encourage the belief in their children. Interesting stuff.

My mother in law thinks we're just plain wrong because the kids know they've got gifts upstairs and they see them under the tree; therefore they know the gifts are from us and not Santa. But we don't NOT believe in Santa. We believe in the spirit of Christmas that is embodied by the jolly old elf. No, we don't tell the kids they'll get coal if they're naughty...no, we don't tell them he comes down the chimney in the middle of the night and leaves them gifts...but they do believe "he" fills their stockings and nibbles on the cookies left out. So while we don't tell them there really is a guy living at the North Pole who lives to give them gifts, they still believe in the spirit of Christmas, the spirit of giving and gratitude. I see no problem in this. Where the gifts come from is irrelevant.

When I was a kid, my parents never really told us about Santa one way or the other. I suppose they kept up the facade for us though, I know I remember the "naughty or nice" talks. The things parents will do to get good behavior! But there were no gifts out with tags from Santa or anything like that. The gifts were all under the tree before Christmas. I don't remember when I didn't believe he *really* existed; I'm sure I still played along even after I knew. I don't feel harmed by knowing, I don't feel harmed by not knowing...I don't feel there was this big lie perpetrated upon us kids. It was fun...still is.

So, if you're reading this, what are your thoughts on Santa?

I've always liked, and have tried to live by, the Christian addage "be Christ-like in your mercy". Yeah, yeah, I'm not a Christian but I like the message.

Lately all the news outlets have been over-covering the Saddam Hussein capture. I have to turn the channel every time I see the pictures start. To be honest, the treatment did not seem merciful or at the very least should not have been videotaped and circulated around the media.

I do believe Hussein was and is a person who commited vile acts. I can't see a picture of him without picturing the video of the day he came into power (or around that time anyway) where he stood in front of a room full of Iraqi political figures and emotionlessly read off names of those who were to leave the room. They were killed simply because he didn't want them in his regime. It made me feel literally ill. He was so obviously enjoying his place of power. Sure, he was a bastard.

At the same time, though, do we want to sink to his level? Justice should be done, naturally, but not this 'Merkin justice of an eye for an eye. That won't undo all the evils he's done. And can't this all just be done, without becoming an utter media circus?

I guess I'm trying to figure out why I would have sympathy for this person. Probably because he is just that: a person. And somewhere in his soul is a reason for his existence. And somewhere there will be repercussions that same soul will face.

Be Christ-like in your mercy.

I feel a bit like Hannah Homemaker today. The kids and I made soaps and bookmarks for them to give to family and friends for Christmas. They got to play in our newly blanketed with snow yard, then I made them hot cocoa (and not the mix with water kind, nope, we made the real thing) and my kitchen is clean before bed.

From the outside it looks smooth as silk. But I feel like I'm coming apart at the seams. It always seems a struggle. I know quite a few moms who manage all those things above before lunch. Then have time for their own pursuits and interests. I know I should stop beating myself up, and it's not that I'm actively feeling guilty, it's just that I want their secret. I want to know how to get everything done then still have time to write or to paint or to..whatever. I do see moments in my day that I could use more effectively, maybe that's the secret. Maybe I'm just not utilizing my time wisely. Right now, I need to be working out so I don't get to bed at midnight like I have the last week...but Mace is awake. He took a late nap so I'm thinking I won't get to work out until about 11 therefore no bed before midnight as usual. When I worked, I felt like I was doing it all, like everything was getting done. I was bringing home the bacon and frying it up in a pan, as it were. But now I feel like a schlump most days. Last week there was a day when I wore my lounge pants all day. Not to say that everyone who wears their lounge pants all day are lazy beasts like myself, but you get the idea.

This past week was a total waste in most respects. Though I was PMS'ing, that's not a valid excuse. Hormones do not excuse taking a week off homeschooling! To be honest, I do feel like things get done most of the time. The clothes get washed, the dishes get washed, the floor gets vacuumed and the kids get taught. But I guess I'm trying to figure out how to carve out a little time for myself. I think THAT'S the problem. I start feeling like I never get a minute to myself which makes me feel overwhelmed and anxious, then I don't feel like doing the basics either.

Well, my little guy just climbed up to me in his jammies with the feet and wants to nurse. He said "milk" today. He's yummy! I guess I need to revel in his sweetness for now; the jammies won't fit forever.

Much to my chagrin, I've found lately that I can't loathe like I used to.

I've caught a few of those "behind the music" type shows and/or interviews which have made me change my opinion of several celebrities whom I formely had a pretty intense dislike for. I'm realizing it's easy to dislike someone you don't know, but as soon as you get to "know" them (as much as you can "know" them from afar) you see similarities and parallels to your own life and your own journey. This comforts me greatly and makes me look at people differently. It gives me hope that I'm not a total bitch anyway.

On a totally different note, Saddam has been found. Is it bad that I see the political timing in this? I mean, I'm glad this could mean our troops might get to come home earlier but it's worrying me about next years election. I'm sure Bushco. will work this, spin it, into something that he was directly responsible for. I feel guilty for thinking about this aspect of it. So maybe I am a total bitch after all.

It's one of those nights where I just want to stay up, listen to Lost Cause by Beck and other sappy songs, eat chocolate and think. But...

I have kids and things to do tomorrow. So I'm off to lie the baby down, work out then hit the sack. Not so cerebral...

Comments are fixed. My bad.

To have comments or not to have comments, that is the question. Whether 'tis nobler in the mind to suffer the...screw it. I'm just keeping the comments. Share if you want...

I used to have comments...didn't I used to have comments?

I don't even know where I got them from so I won't be able to go back and find out what the hell happened. Pretty pathetic, aren't I?

Apparently I don't do enough for the environment. I guess unless I'm spiking trees or in a picket line or burning down houses in the name of the ELF, I'm not really doing anything green. The cloth diapers, cloth pads, natural cleaners, drying clothes on the line out back, buying organic when I can, cooking from scratch, avoiding preservatives, push mowing et al are not enough.

This is apparently my husband's opinion. Usually the opinion manifests itself when he can't use bleach to clean the basement or has to use a cloth diaper and wipe. So is it that I'm not doing anything, or rather that it's inconveniencing YOU? Hmmmm....

Just feeling a bit beouchy today...

I can post one more thing while he's off conquering a nation...or at least his sister.

I wanted to ramble about a weird dream I had the other night. Now freaky dreams are nothing new to me, and they happen almost nightly. But this one was interesting. You know how some people dream in color and some don't? Well, I've never really remembered if my dreams were in technicolor or not. Just not something I retain. But this dream was different. Everything was gray EXCEPT certain things. Like there were these houses up in treetops by a river bank; but they were pastel colored and looked like flower bouquets. I walked through a town square that looked Eastern European-ish. It was all gray except balloons a young man carried through the square. They were all colors. He gave me a red one because I said something odd and poetic to him. There were red haired twins. All those things the colors were very distinctive and stood out against the gray of everything around them. Like I said, interesting.

Uh-oh. He's back. And he looks hungry.

Apparently I cannot blog today because my 13 month old loves my keyboard. I had several paragraphs typed out and he hit one button...ONE...and the whole shebazzle is gone. And I'm making up words now.

So maybe tomorrow I will wax philosophical. When he naps.

Hearing a midwestern mother of three say "off the heazy fo sheazy" has got to be funny.

Nonetheless, check out THIS site. It's tight...fo shizzle my sizzle!

Am I cool yet? How about now? Now?