So my long term plans had been for Scott to go back to school for a year and do what he wants to do then I would go back. But now that I'm looking at majors and careers and trying to figure out what I want to be when I grow up, I'm having problems. Nothing excites me, nothing looks like a job I'd really enjoy. And those that semi-excite me have less than stellar future growth predictions and/or are quite competitive which spooks me right out.

I'm actually quite competitive, almost too competitive. To that point where I usually don't want to engage in any kind of competition because the chance exists that I could lose. So a competitive job market isn't something I relish. Especially considering I woudl have to go back to school for several years to even get into said competitive job market. I'm not old, but pushing 33 and looking at going back to school then a career...I need to be sure it's exactly what I want to do.

As with everything in my life, I'm conflicted. A large part of me wants to just be with my family, to do the off the grid thing, to travel around in an RV and finally travel to Europe. A job, a "career" isn't vital to me. But then I guess I'm also concerned about my life being my message, leaving some mark of my life you know? It's not that I think I'm going to move mountains or anything, I just worry that I'm wasting my gifts and I don't even know if I have any, let alone what they are.

I'm very interested in ecology and environmentalism but damn, those are like...SCIENCE! Math and science are not my forte. I've always said I'd love to be an English professor, but who wouldn't? That market is damned near impossible to crack into. Writing? I used to love it, but I see so many people better than I am that it's disheartening.

I guess "I don't want to sell anything, buy anything or processes anything as a career. And I don't want to sell anything bought or processed or buy anything sold or processed or process anything sold, bought, or processed. Or repair anything sold, bought, or processed. As a career I don't want to do that." Gawd I love John Cusak...can that be a career? Him and Morrissey? No?

What's a girl to do??