I think reality is finally settling over me.

I notice that I keep saying "it's early". Having had one miscarriage, albeit almost 10 years ago, you still have that in the back of your head with any pregnancy. A positive pregnancy test does not mean you'll have a baby in 9 months. It means the possibility exists, not that it's a foregone conclusion. I've heard it said, and it's true, you lose your innocence having had a miscarriage.

Mine happened several months after we'd gotten married. We'd been together 3 years and were living together; we only got married because I decided I wanted to have kids, and Scott was onboard, and we figured it was the logical next step. Not sure why we thought that silly piece of paper meant squat involving kids, but we did it anyway. I got pregnant two months after our nuptials. I was ecstatic, I told everyone and anyone, we were having a BABEEEEEEY! I got up the morning of my first OB visit, at 7 weeks, and saw red. I didn't know much about much back then, but I knew that wasn't good. I remember numbly sitting in her office, her talking about genetic defects and no, it didn't mean I'd done anything wrong and yes, I'd very likely get pregnant again with no problems. Oddly, I dealt with it rather quietly. I accepted the fact that it was just a fluke, one of those things, supposed to happen for some higher reason I wasn't privy to.

We got pregnant a few months later and had Gage. Since then I've had no problems in my pregnancies, no miscarriages, not even a hint of spotting. But you still never know; I don't fully exhale until after that first 7 weeks, after that first milestone that I never passed the first time.

So the big news, if anyone is reading, is that I'm pregnant.

Just found out earlier this week, due in May. Another FAM faux pas, but really not really. I had my sustained thermal shift which indicated I'd already ovulated then lo and behold I actually ovulated a week and a half later. No more FAM for me. Someone's getting snipped.

Dh has come around - was in massive shock the first couple of days after we found out, but is behaving more normally and is involved again. I'm so glad because that was my biggest concern when I realized this was a possibility.

However, I know those in our extended family and even some friends won't react nicely about this. Oh well. Dh says that's the last thing he cares about, but I still do.

Anyway. It's very early, so really there's no need to get totally freaked out just yet. But as of this moment, there's a little being growing inside me. Wow.

Another boring day at Chez Cheryl ;)

I keep debating about posting something. Or I should say I keep posting it then removing it lol It's early and I really don't know....

Sorry, not ready to post this actually....

Stay tuned though

Something very odd has been happening to me lately. It probably means nothing, but I can't be totally sure.

A couple weeks ago I was meeting friends at a local restaurant. I got there a bit early, and just sat listening to music for a few minutes. During this time, a woman pulled up in the lane across from me. She looked familiar but I couldn't place her. She got out of her car and walked slowly into the store at the other end of the parking lot. I wondered why she parked so far away and why she looked so sad, but then let it go. Fast forward, I'm in the restaurant with my friends. A group gets seated at the next table. Lo and behold, that same woman is with this group and is seated directly across from me (at the next table of course). For some reason I'm drawn to her and I keep glancing over. It's obvious she's unhappy and even a bit angry, even with others in her group. I can't help but wonder what she's so upset about.

Okay. Yesterday I'm sitting on my porch with the kids. Someone comes walking down my street. You guessed it, its this same woman! She walks by, she doesn't look at me or anything so I'm not thinking she's stalking me :P. But she comes back by a few minutes later, not enough time for her to have walked to the end of the street I don't believe.

Just strange stuff. I'm wondering why I keep running into her, who is she, what's her story? She looks a lot like a girl I went to school with, but I'm not sure it's her. I mean, if she noticed me I would start thinking she's some psycho and she knows us or something, but she doesn't seem to notice me at all, I just notice her. I'd wonder if she was some crazy "other woman" if I didn't get the distinct feeling..uh...that wouldn't be of interest to her :P It's all very surreal feeling, I can't quite convey the feeling of disquiet I get seeing her.

I just find this all very strange and I'm not even sure why.

Well, I finally broke down and bought the newest Harry Potter book and have finished it. I'm sad and wanting more, more, MORE!

But other than that, life is just spinning merrily along around these parts!

It seems like my dreams become dimmer upon revealing them to other, less open minded people. I don't think many people I know irl "get" what we're trying to do. And I guess I do gloss over it a bit with people whom I know I have no chance of convincing. So I'll say we're moving into the mobile home until we can build, so that glossy eyed look of bewilderment goes away somewhat. It makes me sad that most people don't understand why living sustainably is a good thing. Why being able to rely on yourself for what little you really need is so important.

If I told people we're going to add on a cordwood addition to the mobile home and that will be our permanent home, if would confirm to them our "freak" status and they would be even more convinced we have no idea what we're doing.

It would be so nice to have at least one person in my family or circle of friends "get" this. But I guess this all comes back to my approval seeking tendencies. I shouldn't need them to get it, I should just revel in the fact our dreams are going to be coming into fruition.

On the dream front, I hate how slowly things are going! I want to get this damned permit so we can move the mobile home and start putting in our wood floors and our drywall, our windows and cabinets. I'm tired of every single thing being so utterly slow. I'm still waiting on that drawing with the layout of the septic system. He finally said over a week ago that he needed the mobile home moved before he could do the drawing (and of course, he never told us that at any point prior). Well, uh, no, that's not the case. The Health Dept says that the home cannot be moved without the permit. So I get this guy a copy of the drawing we did with everything plotted out and I tell him to work from that. Hoping against hope he'll be able to and we can get this show on the road.

It's these kinds of things that take the sparkle out of the dream a bit.