Okay, okay...so it was PMS. I thought about deleting the post, but ya know, it's honest and honesty is okay, even when wrong. It's how I felt, right or no.

I guess I tend to overreact (nahhh, me?). One small fight and it's a slippery slope to "you don't love me!" lol. It's how I do.

Anyway...today things are good. Kids bickering a bit, but who has kids who don't? I know they're good kids overall, even on days I want to climb the nearest clocktower. Today's not quite one of those days. Yet.
I know I blather on about this, but it's on my mind quite a bit and I have nowhere to really get it out. No one "gets" this kid need. Everyone I know seems to think I'm slightly to extremely insane for even considering it. And ya know, that makes me feel like a crappy mom! Not that I need some family member or online friend to say "you're a fab mom! Have another kid! As a matter of fact, have five!!"...but I admit it feels weird when NO one seems supportive of it. Even those who are supportive of others big families. Things that make you go Hmmm for sure.

But as I think about it, I DO think I'm a pretty darn good mom. No, I don't do everything perfectly. Some days I get angry easily, some days I don't want to do homeschooling, some days I want to run screaming down the road. But doesn't everyone have these days? I truly believe they do. I know people online who hardly ever cop to having these days. I don't buy it. I love my kids, love being a mom...but I'm still ME and I still have all my flaws and issues. No one is perfect and therefore no one is a perfect parent. As long as I'm trying and as long as I'm striving to give my kids a good start, I think everything will be okay.
I really really think I have to stop worrying about what other people think and if they approve of my life. Because it's MY life!

Anyway, my mom had made a comment about if we had another, Lily wouldn't get all the attention she needs...wow, no attention with four sibs and us?! That's hardly a concern I have. And really, what more than a typical child does she need? I think, no I know because I was there at one point...I KNOW that people think she needs all this specialized care and attention because she has Downs. But you know what? She doesn't! She's a fabulous kid and I dote on her like crazy, as does her father and her brothers and sister, but she really isn't any more difficult or time consuming than my other kids. Actually less so than Mace who is still my handfull lol. And most people on the Downs board say a younger sib is actually good for a Ds kiddo!

At any rate, we're likely done. But still...