Still can't get my sidebar to actually BE a sidebar. So for now, it's a bottombar. Whateva.

Got to take a nice long walk with my husband this morning (kids with grandma); it was a good thing. We got a chance to talk about all these looming changes and how we're both sometimes scared but mostly excited.

I really do think that there is going to be a large scale economic downturn unlike any in our lifetimes. I think it will necessitate huge changes in how most Americans live their lives. I'd like to make some changes now while it's still a choice and not yet inevitable. I'd like to teach our kids how to live a life more sustainable and not so tied to outside forces. I don't want to need the utilities or the banks. I'm not saying we're going all out right now, but I'd like us to have the backup there if need be. I'd like to know how to live this way before we might have to.

That sounds like I'm this crazy conspiracy theorist with a full bomb shelter. At the same time, I can't believe how many people are just ignoring all the signposts and assuming things will always be the way they are at this moment. It's not possible that things can and will remain this way. We complain about gas prices, not realizing that they're not going to go down for quite a while, at least not down for any long period of time. Moderates are saying we've got another 10-20 years before we hit Hubbert's Peak which is peak oil production. Sure, we've hit that before in 1970 but then more large oil fields were found shortly after. There are no more fields like that to be found these days. And it's fact that our consumption today is far more than it was in 1970. So when we hit this peak and prices explode upward, are we all going to be able to afford it? No way. And this is just one example of the ways in which our lifestyles are going to be impacted by our disregard for the environment. So getting into that conservation mindset now, before we're forced to, is very important. And anymore, I'm not worried about people saying I'm crazy.

I think I'd rather be crazy than unprepared when changes do happen. And you know, even if changes don't come about, it's better to live in a cooperative way with nature rather than opposed to it. I hope I'm wrong, but without major changes that I don't see on the horizon I can't imagine everything continuing as is.

So...where are we?

Letter is in the mail from HI guy. Check is in the mail from Mr Loan guy. Loan that we'll pay off with the sale of our house (which I'm even worried about although existing home sales are way up). Everything is coming together. And as Mr. T used to say, I love it when a plan comes together.

Okay, this is much more summer-y. Wow I get bored at work!!

But for some reason, when I preview it through Blogger it looks fine but then when it's published all my links and archives fall to the bottom. If any poor soul wanders through here and can tell me why, I'd be much obliged. (cue spaghetti western whistling) Mmmm...spaghetti....

Anyway :P

So I've been working hard lately on accepting myself and my body for what it is. I'm never going to be wafer thin but I still have value and am a pretty darned good person. I need to stop beating myself up and start accepting myself. I've been working on this and surprisingly enough, I feel like it's working. I'm not sure why it never has in the past, but maybe since I'm hurtling through my thirties (I'm 33 already! haha) I'm starting to gain a bit of perspective and not a small amount of respect for myself.

My only issue is...yes, my husband. Love him with all my heart, but I don't feel like he sees past the weight either. Lately I've been able to feel good about myself all but a certain few times. Those times have always been with my husband. I don't accept myself around him because I don't feel he accepts me. And he doesn't really *have* to or anything, this is my issue, my battle. But I do feel there is a part of him that feels, no matter how hard he tries to hide it, that excess weight is a character flaw. That if only I wasn't lazy/had some self discipline/cared about myself then I wouldn't be fat. And again, I can't say with 100% accuracy that these are his thoughts, it seems his actions and sometimes even words said in jest lead me to believe they are though.

I don't know what the answer is. All I can do is all I can do. I can choose to get over myself and quit worrying about my size. If no one else comes along for the ride, then more room for me! :P

Just messing around with a new look. Not happy with Blogger's template options.

Everything else still going well. Mr Loan Guy will get everything closed tomorrow and the check out a few days later. A few details were different than we had initially agreed upon, but what can you expect from a bank.

Still waiting for HI guy to make good on his promise of some letter regarding the site inspection with which we will need to go see Mr. Excavator guy to get everything planned out.

I have posted since then about not being able to use the existing septic system, haven't I? If not, no we can't use it. New septic system and everything.

So...thus far things are going okay. Not amazingly well, but okay.

Other than the moving plans, life is pretty good lately. No major bumps in the road and everyone has been pretty happy overall. I'm loving my husband and my kids lately and it's a good place to be!

Head cold is gone! Vitamin C is a wonderful thing.

Feeling good, feeling great, how are you?!

need an outkast fix...

UGH! Feeling crappy today. This spring cold is having it's way with my family. It's not all that bad, just annoying. I don't want to feel ucky right now!

So, the planets are apparently aligning. I guess I should say, the majority of the planets are aligning with a few asteroids smacking into them here and there. Loan guy came though and things will be finished this week. We can move the home onto the lot per Health Inspector guy (hereafter referred to as HI guy) but we can't use the existing septic. We have to wait for his inspection report to come in this week in order to get with our excavator guy to determine how to proceed and how much money the proceedings are going to cost us.

I really need to have a discussion with HI guy regarding things like a water catchment system to see if that's even a possibility. I hate to have to pay to connect to the water company (4 grand!) when I don't plan on using their services long term. I'm sure he's going to keel over when I ask about this. These people are such sticklers! I understand protecting public health, but there are people all over the world using rainwater catchment systems, including much of China, as their primary water source. It's not dirty water, especially after you filter the crap out of it.

Anyway. There are still some roadblocks but overall it's looking like it's really going to happen. And fairly soon. I'm still dealing with some of my emotional attachments to our house...we brought Maddie home there, Mason was born there...but I think it's just going to take some time. I have to focus on the good things that are going to come of this. We won't be worried about money problems, we'll be living below our means, we can do some of the things we've always wanted to do but could never afford. This move is a good thing.

This whole process is turning out to be very stress inducing.

So right now, I’m waiting on moves from three different people. Any one of these not going off without a major hitch will seriously affect our ability to make this move. One is the Health Dept, another is the owner of the mobile home and the last is the loan officer we’re working with to get a bit of money with which to get this party started.

The Health Department must come out and inspect the site, letting us know where the home can be placed and if the existing septic system can be used or if we have to have a new one installed. Cha ching. So obviously I’m hoping the one there can be used. To paraphrase Wayne Dyer, I’m surrounding myself with the conditions that will lead to the existing septic system to be used. Read, I’m trying to think positive but I’m not counting on it.

The owner of the home needs it to be moved as soon as possible and, oh yeah, would of course like for me to show her the money. I get that. I would feel the same way. We’ve talked about her taking a good sized down payment and letting us move it to the lot while still in her name. This sounds good and is okay with Mr. Health Department Guy as long as it’s not put on permanent foundations. The reason we can’t just pay for it and get it all over with is person number 3, Mr. Loan Guy.

Mr. Loan Guy is going to set us up with a bit of cash to complete everything (to finish paying for the home, to excavate the lot, to pay for set up, etc...). So far he’s telling me it’s all approved and ready to go, pending a few forms to fill out. But I’ve been on this spinning globe long enough to know that a “few forms to fill out” can still cause lots of problems.

So everything is depending on everything else. It feels much like a house of cards and one little move can make everything come crashing down around our ears. Of course if it all goes smoothly, we’re looking at a few months until moving day and being much closer to financial independence. Will just have to pay off this loan we’re getting and off we go. Our plan is to put this house up for sale closer to the time we’re ready to move out. Seriously, I just cannot keep it in show condition with all three kids running around. And it’s cluttered right now. And everything else is stressing me out! Have you been paying attention around here?!

So fingers crossed and all that.

So, more about Plan B. The full title being Plan B: Rescuing a Planet Under Stress and a Civilization in Trouble. You can see where this is going, can’t you?

So far my jaw has dropped numerous times, and I had previously considered myself fairly knowledgeable about environmental issues. But this book touches on far more than simple environmental problems to social and political and cultural problems that are forcing a showdown between mother nature and us puny mortals. That there won’t be water if we keep using it like this, that due to agricultural overuse we’re losing valuable soil and some areas are even turning arid and desert-like, especially in places like north western China. He’s talking about how this is going to impact exports and imports in the face of the trade surpluses many countries hold over the US, including China.

Oh man.

It’s just so...eye opening yet depressing.

I just can’t believe there are people out there who believe that we’re not overstripping supply of natural resources with our gluttonous demands. When the Health Department people tell me “it’s hard to find wells (in the township we’re moving to)” I’m wondering why people don’t understand it’s the falling water tables. I’m wondering how many people think like my mom who say “look at all the blue places on the globe…there’s a lot of water” not understanding that’s salt water and totally not useable. And even if it were made useable, look where it is! How would it irrigate your garden, how would it come out of your tap? At what cost? I tell my mom this and she says “they can figure out how to do it”. My god. Who are “they”? This blind faith in the establishment is terrifying. Especially from my mother who is normally pretty self sufficient.

I’m glad my family is looking at alternatives, but there comes a point where these problems will even affect the most self sufficient of us. Lester Brown is right in that we need wide spread political and cultural changes in order to reverse this slippery slope.

It’s scary. I’m off to read more…

On a less fluffy note, I'm still wading through Plan B by Lester Brown. I'm finding it's rather like a large meal; I need to read a bit then stop and digest the magnitude of it before reading more. Normally I plow through books at breakneck speed but this one is different for sure.

I'm getting ready to go home for the evening so perhaps tomorrow I shall expound upon it further. There, my big word allotment is now spent.

Now for an altogether fluffy post...

I just hated watching Idol last night. The songs were just the worst! Don't get me wrong, I like a good musical as much as...the next person who likes musicals. But I just felt they all chose such boring songs. I wanted Bo to sing something from Hair or Jesus Christ Superstar. I wanted much of the same from Nadia, or even a selection from The Wiz. There are all these great, rockin' show tunes out there now and they pick all these moldy oldies?! I wasn't impressed. I hated that Bo said he just closed his eyes and picked. I'm assuming he's joking around, I mean who would make a big decision like that by chance. I mean, a big decision to him apparently or he wouldn't be in the competition.

I think I'm into this one because I really wasn't into the first three AI competitions. And there's not much that great on TV at that time.

Cheryl, out.

Of course, we still don't know anything today.

Silly me, I expect people in offices to work as quickly as I want them to.

And then there are hang ups with the permits and such. Things like my brother ended up tying up the entire property, both sides of the road, with his mortgage when he built his house. Oh the joys! It just keeps making me wonder if these aren't all signs of some sort. Scott thinks they're tests of our fortitude but I'm not so sure.

Scott is finally feeling better. He did go to work yesterday but was still pretty sore.

Week in Review:

I turned 33.

Scott turned 37.

One day this week saw temperatures in the 70's and right now it's snowing heavily.

Scott tore ligaments in his back when he reached back up the basement stairs to catch our as-yet-unfixed male cat who was trying to make for the furniture upon which to spray. Looking back, it would have been much better to let the damn cat spray everything. Scott has been pretty much immobilized and missed a day of work. Still not well today.

We found a MH that we really REALLY like that's in our price range and we've started moving cash around to get it. It's going to be a stretch, but I think this is finally the ONE. It's bigger and has a fireplace. We're also finally starting the whole permits procedure which it looks like is just going to be a royal pain in the arse. Oh well.

So that's how things stand this Saturday afternoon. I'm off home and likely will know more by Tuesday when I get back in here.