I’m starting to feel depressed.

Not clinically or anything, just funky. As Alton Brown says, Detroit funky. Thanksgiving is quickly approaching and I just found out my sisters and brother from out of town are going to be coming in. One of my sisters lost some weight a few years ago and is now the resident weight loss expert (can you see me rolling my eyes?). She lost the weight by doing a low carb diet. Not Atkins by far, but the same kind of idea. So of course the vibe I get from her is that I’m totally unhealthy and eat junk all day long. The other sister is thin and pretty without really trying. So now I get to be the walrus…coo coo cachoo.

I sound really mean, but in actuality I find that once they’re here and we’re all visiting it goes smoothly and I feel great about it all. It’s just the mental preparation I guess. And maybe I’m making myself feel judged and they don’t really care. But I know my mom does, and that’s weirded things out recently. It’s like they’re all overly concerned about the size of my ass. YES, I’m overweight, yes I’m the fattest person in the family at the present time…but I’m still ME dammit! This is my family, the people who are supposed to love you warts and all. And ya know, there are a lot of sizes in the store bigger than the ones I buy! I’m just over the “plus size” rack, one less size and I’d be in “regular” clothes again so I’m not freaking gargantuan or anything. But I get that vibe from people in my family.

On the other end of the scale as it were, there are many things in my life that are going well if not great at the moment. So I feel stupid for thinking badly of my sisters when both of them have gone through bad divorces in the last few years and my marriage is trending upward. I’m sure they’d probably gladly trade asses if they could. And the weight loss guru sister just went through a pretty traumatic experience a few months ago that I talked her through over the course of a couple weeks so we bonded some on that front. I guess I’m trying to say that there are things more important in life than a great body.

I am sort of working on that though. At a site I recently started visiting people are doing a crunch-challenge of sorts. One hundred crunches a day. I’ve done them religiously and it’s pretty easy to be honest. And I know I have to work some cardio in there or I’ll end up with a lovely six pack under several layers of chub. Mainly I’m looking at the crunches as a way to strengthen my stomach to support my back better. I tend to have lots of back pain and I know this is something I need to do to support those muscles. I would really just like to lose 20 or so pounds at this point. I’d still be overweight, but I’d feel so much better.

Plus our 10th anniversary is December 31st, and I’d like to do something special for that night and my current state of my bod will not go with the plans I’m making. I dunno. I have a lots of time that I’m really happy with myself and I can look past the extra weight. Then other times I can’t so well.