And another thing...
In an altogether unrelated community, the old TV debate is going through the motions again. I, personally, think that TV can be watched intelligently, even by children, with the proper supervision. To say that it's harming my children because they watch any TV at all seems a bit extreme to me. Yeah, you read that right. Some things are extreme even to me.
Sure I think TV can be a colossal time suck in many cases. Reality TV being one. And yes, I do watch things that aren't entirely educational. My kids do too, but not that much. I think advertising and marketing are still the root of all evil in our overly consumeristic society. I get all the arguments for killing the TV completely. I do. But I will be brutally honest and say that I don't want my kids to be total and complete social pariahs. We make a LOT of choices that are out of the mainstream that already have my kids left of center, in the fringes, so any more choices we make have to be heavily weighed. Not that I'm desperately wanting them to "fit in" or become jocks or cheerleaders or whatever. I most definitely do not. I want them to find their own niches to fit in TO. At the same time, I don't want to make rash decisions just to out-crunch the next family. You use cloth diapers? Well, WE use elimination communication. You're vegetarian, well, WE'RE vegan. You get the picture. And yes, I seem to know online moms like this.
So what we choose to do is use the TV rather than demonize it. Take last night for example, my two oldest kids and I sat and watched Origins, the Nova special about the origins of the universe. I was amazed that they were really very interested in it, they watched the whole thing! And I, for one, DO learn things from TV. From the Food Network, to the Discovery Channel and PBS, there are lots of new things to learn right at my fingertips. And yes, my kids watch Teen Titans and The Fairly Odd Parents, too. They like to be entertained as well! So while we don't get all our edumacatin' from the telly, we do use it to our advantage. I refuse to buy into the black and white that TV is all bad. I don't think anything is all bad or all good, black and white. Lots of things are gray, and therein lies the beauty.
Thursday, September 30, 2004
Recently, a person whom I viewed as relatively enlightened and forward thinking, referred to going to Wal-Mart to see all the fat people. It stung at first, because I admit I'm not a thin person and I have been in a Wal Mart. :-) But I just felt this comment was really offbase and even fat-ist. I mean, if someone were to say "I'm going to Wal-Mart to see all the ______" and fill in that blank with midgets/black/mexicans/handicapped/gay people I can safely say everyone would be up in arms about it. At least in the community I'm in with this person. But it's okay to go gawking at fat people.
And I do understand that being overweight in most cases can't be truly compared to being a minority; usually we could just do the work and lose the weight. I understand that. BUT. Just because we're of the higher BMI doesn't mean we're less worthy, less deserving of respect. It doesn't mean we're a sideshow, providing entertainment to all the skinnies of the world. How sad is that? That people would get some kind of perverse satisfaction out of seeing others in various states of overweight and likely, unhappiness. And it's obviously not just this one person, and I will say she's a wonderful person and was just trying to be funny. I don't really think she has deep seated issues with fat people. I do think there are many people who do, however, and I find that incredibly sad that they would choose to limit the people they know and love based on a number on a scale. How they're missing out!!
And I do understand that being overweight in most cases can't be truly compared to being a minority; usually we could just do the work and lose the weight. I understand that. BUT. Just because we're of the higher BMI doesn't mean we're less worthy, less deserving of respect. It doesn't mean we're a sideshow, providing entertainment to all the skinnies of the world. How sad is that? That people would get some kind of perverse satisfaction out of seeing others in various states of overweight and likely, unhappiness. And it's obviously not just this one person, and I will say she's a wonderful person and was just trying to be funny. I don't really think she has deep seated issues with fat people. I do think there are many people who do, however, and I find that incredibly sad that they would choose to limit the people they know and love based on a number on a scale. How they're missing out!!
Thursday, September 23, 2004
Ever the fatalist, I am back...and not so fatal anymore.
I just heard the latest and greatest Bushism...
My previous personal fave was "this administration will never stop thinking about new ways to harm our country and our people." Hahaha...
But I just heard on the radio his Freudian slip that we "should not be in Iraq" (paraphrasing here, I can't seem to find a link to the speech!). It was really funny though...when he tried for a save and failed miserably.) What a dumbass.
It looks like the constitutional amendment to ban gay marriage WILL in fact make it to the Ohio ballot. Damn. The proponents of the amendment had 5 days to gather 47,000 more signatures so of course they submit over 140,000. Apparently most Ohioans are homophobic as well as conservative! Whodathunkit? I hate this state. Actually, I do have some hope for Ohioans though; as a friend pointed out, there are lots of Kerry/Edwards signs out there! I hadn't really noticed until she mentioned it, but there really ARE a lot of them! I was sure Ohio would go to Bush since it's such a normally conservative state but I'm seeing a lot more Kerry signs than I did Gore signs four years ago. The one I saw on a bumpersticker this morning in the library parking lot was classic though "save the environment, plant one Bush back in Texas". I needed that this morning! So I'm still crossing everything...I'm hoping I get to have some of that smug satisfaction I had the morning after Clinton won. That was a fabulous day!
I just heard the latest and greatest Bushism...
My previous personal fave was "this administration will never stop thinking about new ways to harm our country and our people." Hahaha...
But I just heard on the radio his Freudian slip that we "should not be in Iraq" (paraphrasing here, I can't seem to find a link to the speech!). It was really funny though...when he tried for a save and failed miserably.) What a dumbass.
It looks like the constitutional amendment to ban gay marriage WILL in fact make it to the Ohio ballot. Damn. The proponents of the amendment had 5 days to gather 47,000 more signatures so of course they submit over 140,000. Apparently most Ohioans are homophobic as well as conservative! Whodathunkit? I hate this state. Actually, I do have some hope for Ohioans though; as a friend pointed out, there are lots of Kerry/Edwards signs out there! I hadn't really noticed until she mentioned it, but there really ARE a lot of them! I was sure Ohio would go to Bush since it's such a normally conservative state but I'm seeing a lot more Kerry signs than I did Gore signs four years ago. The one I saw on a bumpersticker this morning in the library parking lot was classic though "save the environment, plant one Bush back in Texas". I needed that this morning! So I'm still crossing everything...I'm hoping I get to have some of that smug satisfaction I had the morning after Clinton won. That was a fabulous day!
Thursday, September 16, 2004
Marriage sucks. I swear we were not meant to be in these long term monogamous type relationships. One where every little thing, even those things you once found darling, can just get on your ever loving nerves.
So yesterday I make the mistake of taking a book with me to Maddie's gymnastics class. Suffice it to say that wasn't a good idea. While I sit right there in the main gym instead of up with the other parents per Maddie's request, I still apparently needed to have my eyes glued on her instead of reading. She got freaked, cried and we came home early. On the way home it hits me that this is the issue (no, she didn't tell me what the problem was at the gym) and I realize Scott is going to rail at me about it, saying I was stupid for bringing the book and all that. So when he gets home, I start by saying "it was my mistake, I should have known..." blah blah blah. He seems fine with it all. Then Maddie goes upstairs and he makes a few comments about how that wasn't that smart of me, etc..and it just hurt. I was happy at first that he wasn't going to be all nasty about it, but then he blows that right out of the water. I mean, this is a freaking gymnastics class here, not brain surgery. I made a mistake.
This is just indicative of where we are right now.
Sorry, I just deleted some stuff. I'm tired of complaining about it (if you can believe that!) and I want a change. Either this has to get better or I can't take it. A couple days ago we had a really good day and it hit me just how bad it had gotten. That one day of getting along and laughing made me realize how long it had been since we had interacted that way. And the one night we've gone out on a "date" it felt...not good. Last night I sat in the middle of the dining room floor listening to Dave Matthews and I was thinking about how I want him to tell me *why* he loves me. I feel like every part of me is judged my him and comes up short, so I want to know why he stays with me. So I turned it around and asked myself, why do I love him? And you know, I'm not so sure I do any more. One of the big things I used to love about him was that he could make me laugh...but we never laugh any more. We just fight and every time it starts I can feel that ever expanding hole in my chest. I just feel hollow.
But then this lady comes in the library this morning looking for legal websites because her exhusband is not keeping up his end of the shared parenting agreement and is keeping her from seeing her kids...and I realize, that's not such a great situation either. If it were just he and I, likely I would call it quits. But we have three other people in this arrangment as well. Their well being has to come into play here too.
I just think marriage is not a natural, organic way to be together. Maybe the animals had it right all along...
So yesterday I make the mistake of taking a book with me to Maddie's gymnastics class. Suffice it to say that wasn't a good idea. While I sit right there in the main gym instead of up with the other parents per Maddie's request, I still apparently needed to have my eyes glued on her instead of reading. She got freaked, cried and we came home early. On the way home it hits me that this is the issue (no, she didn't tell me what the problem was at the gym) and I realize Scott is going to rail at me about it, saying I was stupid for bringing the book and all that. So when he gets home, I start by saying "it was my mistake, I should have known..." blah blah blah. He seems fine with it all. Then Maddie goes upstairs and he makes a few comments about how that wasn't that smart of me, etc..and it just hurt. I was happy at first that he wasn't going to be all nasty about it, but then he blows that right out of the water. I mean, this is a freaking gymnastics class here, not brain surgery. I made a mistake.
This is just indicative of where we are right now.
Sorry, I just deleted some stuff. I'm tired of complaining about it (if you can believe that!) and I want a change. Either this has to get better or I can't take it. A couple days ago we had a really good day and it hit me just how bad it had gotten. That one day of getting along and laughing made me realize how long it had been since we had interacted that way. And the one night we've gone out on a "date" it felt...not good. Last night I sat in the middle of the dining room floor listening to Dave Matthews and I was thinking about how I want him to tell me *why* he loves me. I feel like every part of me is judged my him and comes up short, so I want to know why he stays with me. So I turned it around and asked myself, why do I love him? And you know, I'm not so sure I do any more. One of the big things I used to love about him was that he could make me laugh...but we never laugh any more. We just fight and every time it starts I can feel that ever expanding hole in my chest. I just feel hollow.
But then this lady comes in the library this morning looking for legal websites because her exhusband is not keeping up his end of the shared parenting agreement and is keeping her from seeing her kids...and I realize, that's not such a great situation either. If it were just he and I, likely I would call it quits. But we have three other people in this arrangment as well. Their well being has to come into play here too.
I just think marriage is not a natural, organic way to be together. Maybe the animals had it right all along...
Thursday, September 02, 2004
On a totally unrelated note :-)
Yesterday, Maddie had her first gymnastics class. She's my little klingon girl and normally at class type things she's okay for the first ten minutes or so, then comes running to me in tears because she can't do it without me with her. Not that it's a bad thing, that's just been her MO for the last couple of years.
So when she expressed interest in gymnastics, I was hesitant. Not outwardly, but inside I was afraid that this would end the same way, in tears and hurrying out the door. We did some tumbling around the house and got a book from the library just to make sure this was going to be her cup of tea. She loved doing it at home. So off we went yesterday to "try it out".
She got there, and I waited by the wall. Off she went with the little gymnastics instructor with about 10 other little girls. She tumbled, she cartwheeled, she even did some loop-de-loops on the high bar! (with help from Mr. not-so-little gymnastics instructor....) what was I saying again? :-P Oh yeah, she did all this without even a second glance at me. Well, a glance or two to make sure I caught her stunts. She was so happy! Jumping around on the mat after her tumbles, running to get a drink, dipping her hands in the chalk like a fiend...it was wonderful to watch!
She'll be 6 in a few short weeks. How did I become the mother to a 2, 6 and almost 9 year old?!
Yesterday, Maddie had her first gymnastics class. She's my little klingon girl and normally at class type things she's okay for the first ten minutes or so, then comes running to me in tears because she can't do it without me with her. Not that it's a bad thing, that's just been her MO for the last couple of years.
So when she expressed interest in gymnastics, I was hesitant. Not outwardly, but inside I was afraid that this would end the same way, in tears and hurrying out the door. We did some tumbling around the house and got a book from the library just to make sure this was going to be her cup of tea. She loved doing it at home. So off we went yesterday to "try it out".
She got there, and I waited by the wall. Off she went with the little gymnastics instructor with about 10 other little girls. She tumbled, she cartwheeled, she even did some loop-de-loops on the high bar! (with help from Mr. not-so-little gymnastics instructor....) what was I saying again? :-P Oh yeah, she did all this without even a second glance at me. Well, a glance or two to make sure I caught her stunts. She was so happy! Jumping around on the mat after her tumbles, running to get a drink, dipping her hands in the chalk like a fiend...it was wonderful to watch!
She'll be 6 in a few short weeks. How did I become the mother to a 2, 6 and almost 9 year old?!
So I'm sitting at work, waiting to let these people in to use the computers. Ah, the power. ;-)
I'm feeling better today, the walk to work in the beautiful weather helped a bit I'm sure. I've just been having ups and downs lately and the downs have been more down than my usuals. I have what's called dysthymia, where my norm, my cruise control, is set lower than most people's. My norm is a low grade depression, and I vary from that norm a bit in either direction from time to time. Suffice it to say, it isn't fun. I tried Vitamin Z (Zoloft) earlier this year, and while it did work, I felt weird about taking it. I mean, normally I'm very anti allopathic medicine, always looking for natural or alternative medicine cures for what ails me. So it felt really strange jumping into the arms of allopathic medicine and starting an SSRI. I guess I still have that view of depression that I should be "strong enough" to just "shake it off". But I've dealt with this my whole life. My father had depressive episodes, pretty major ones. And then I learn this year that my mom, who seems the poster woman for stable mental health, has had her shares of depression and even an almost-suicide attempt when I was about 12. So I know that I came by my mental health honestly. Just yesterday reading that children of those with depression are almost 30% more likely to suffer from depression I realized I have to be willing to do whatever it takes to deal with this better. I mean, I knew MY parents effected me, but it hit me at that particular moment, that MY mental health or lack thereof is going to effect my own children. I don't want this for them, obviously.
I'm going to go back to the therapist. If I need an SSRI or something similar at least for a while, then so be it. What I really hope to do is develop tools to deal with my issues better and I think the therapist should be able to help me with that. I have several big issues that I'd like to resolve. And I know this might be my challenge in this incarnation, this might be a lifelong type of challenge...not something to be dealt with quickly and easily.
What I'm really hating right now is that I don't do the things I know I could do myself to help with my depression. I take the supplements and all that, but I know a biggie is just movement, exercise. And if you know me at all, you know I love to exercise when I get started, it's the getting started that I really have problems with. I'm kicking myself because this is something easy and free that I could do right now, and I'm not doing it. Why? I dunno. Easier to just sit and whine about my problems I guess. Gotta work on that.
So anyway...Kym, since you're the only one reading :-P I'm feeling better today....
I'm feeling better today, the walk to work in the beautiful weather helped a bit I'm sure. I've just been having ups and downs lately and the downs have been more down than my usuals. I have what's called dysthymia, where my norm, my cruise control, is set lower than most people's. My norm is a low grade depression, and I vary from that norm a bit in either direction from time to time. Suffice it to say, it isn't fun. I tried Vitamin Z (Zoloft) earlier this year, and while it did work, I felt weird about taking it. I mean, normally I'm very anti allopathic medicine, always looking for natural or alternative medicine cures for what ails me. So it felt really strange jumping into the arms of allopathic medicine and starting an SSRI. I guess I still have that view of depression that I should be "strong enough" to just "shake it off". But I've dealt with this my whole life. My father had depressive episodes, pretty major ones. And then I learn this year that my mom, who seems the poster woman for stable mental health, has had her shares of depression and even an almost-suicide attempt when I was about 12. So I know that I came by my mental health honestly. Just yesterday reading that children of those with depression are almost 30% more likely to suffer from depression I realized I have to be willing to do whatever it takes to deal with this better. I mean, I knew MY parents effected me, but it hit me at that particular moment, that MY mental health or lack thereof is going to effect my own children. I don't want this for them, obviously.
I'm going to go back to the therapist. If I need an SSRI or something similar at least for a while, then so be it. What I really hope to do is develop tools to deal with my issues better and I think the therapist should be able to help me with that. I have several big issues that I'd like to resolve. And I know this might be my challenge in this incarnation, this might be a lifelong type of challenge...not something to be dealt with quickly and easily.
What I'm really hating right now is that I don't do the things I know I could do myself to help with my depression. I take the supplements and all that, but I know a biggie is just movement, exercise. And if you know me at all, you know I love to exercise when I get started, it's the getting started that I really have problems with. I'm kicking myself because this is something easy and free that I could do right now, and I'm not doing it. Why? I dunno. Easier to just sit and whine about my problems I guess. Gotta work on that.
So anyway...Kym, since you're the only one reading :-P I'm feeling better today....
Wednesday, September 01, 2004
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