So I'm sitting at work, waiting to let these people in to use the computers. Ah, the power. ;-)

I'm feeling better today, the walk to work in the beautiful weather helped a bit I'm sure. I've just been having ups and downs lately and the downs have been more down than my usuals. I have what's called dysthymia, where my norm, my cruise control, is set lower than most people's. My norm is a low grade depression, and I vary from that norm a bit in either direction from time to time. Suffice it to say, it isn't fun. I tried Vitamin Z (Zoloft) earlier this year, and while it did work, I felt weird about taking it. I mean, normally I'm very anti allopathic medicine, always looking for natural or alternative medicine cures for what ails me. So it felt really strange jumping into the arms of allopathic medicine and starting an SSRI. I guess I still have that view of depression that I should be "strong enough" to just "shake it off". But I've dealt with this my whole life. My father had depressive episodes, pretty major ones. And then I learn this year that my mom, who seems the poster woman for stable mental health, has had her shares of depression and even an almost-suicide attempt when I was about 12. So I know that I came by my mental health honestly. Just yesterday reading that children of those with depression are almost 30% more likely to suffer from depression I realized I have to be willing to do whatever it takes to deal with this better. I mean, I knew MY parents effected me, but it hit me at that particular moment, that MY mental health or lack thereof is going to effect my own children. I don't want this for them, obviously.

I'm going to go back to the therapist. If I need an SSRI or something similar at least for a while, then so be it. What I really hope to do is develop tools to deal with my issues better and I think the therapist should be able to help me with that. I have several big issues that I'd like to resolve. And I know this might be my challenge in this incarnation, this might be a lifelong type of challenge...not something to be dealt with quickly and easily.

What I'm really hating right now is that I don't do the things I know I could do myself to help with my depression. I take the supplements and all that, but I know a biggie is just movement, exercise. And if you know me at all, you know I love to exercise when I get started, it's the getting started that I really have problems with. I'm kicking myself because this is something easy and free that I could do right now, and I'm not doing it. Why? I dunno. Easier to just sit and whine about my problems I guess. Gotta work on that.

So anyway...Kym, since you're the only one reading :-P I'm feeling better today....