"I'm 15 for a moment
Caught in between 10 and 20
And I'm just dreaming
Counting the ways to where you are

I'm 22 for a moment
She feels better than ever
And we're on fire
Making our way back from Mars

15 there's still time for you
Time to buy and time to lose
15, there's never a wish better than this
When you only got 100 years to live

I'm 33 for a moment
Still the man, but you see I'm a they
A kid on the way
A family on my mind

I'm 45 for a moment
The sea is high
And I'm heading into a crisis
Chasing the years of my life

15 there's still time for you
Time to buy, Time to lose yourself
Within a morning star

15 I'm all right with you
15, there's never a wish better than this
When you only got 100 years to live

Half time goes by
Suddenly you’re wise
Another blink of an eye
67 is gone
The sun is getting high
We're moving on...

I'm 99 for a moment
Dying for just another moment
And I'm just dreaming
Counting the ways to where you are

15 there's still time for you
22 I feel her too
33 you’re on your way
Every day's a new day...

15 there's still time for you
Time to buy and time to choose
Hey 15, there's never a wish better than this
When you only got 100 years to live"

This song really got to me today....

My son got a GameBoy Advance for Christmas from his grandparents. He loved it, and played it incessantly. But being 7 years old, he's not the most careful kid in the world. A couple weeks in, he misplaced it for a few days but we eventually found it.
Then, just over a week ago, it was stolen. He had been playing it with his friends at their house (a family we know and trust who live a few doors down). Apparently, another boy was also there. When Gage and the other boy were preparing to leave, Gage left the game by the door to run back and get his other things. He comes back and both boy and game were gone. Of course, boy denies having seen it, and we have no proof, and Gage is just out a game.
I was just outraged! I was mad that this kid would do such a thing, knowing that everyone would KNOW that he had to have done it. I was mad at his mother for being a bit short when Gage (and dh) went down and told her the situation and asked if he had "accidentally" picked up the game with his things (thereby giving him an out). But I talked to our kids about forgiveness and hoping the boy would have a change of heart (all the while not forgiving in MY heart, and knowing the game was gone for good).
Fast forward to today. The boy and his mother show up at our door. He had taken it, and was here to return it. Mom was tearfully apologetic. I feel like a schmuck. I cannot imagine what it must feel like on that side of the doorbell. I talked a good game about forgiveness but hadn't felt it in my heart. I will send them positive thoughts tonight...

An apt quiz for today. Not the pot smoking part, but the Zoloft part. I really didn't want to do an SSRI, but for some reason the doc was nervous about Wellbutrin and nursing (even though I know quite a few nursing moms who take it). So with much trepidation, I took the first pill this morning. It's a very low dose, but I'm just nervous about it.

You are the stoner rock!


::Which rock personality disorder (from the Zoloft commercial) should you have? (Results contain pictures!)
brought to you by Quizilla

I feel horrible today. Hopeless and lost. I go from room to room trying to find a place I can relax and feel human again. This feeling follows me as does the cat, meowing pleadingly for something (though he's just been fed and watered). He's adding to my feelings of annoyance and anger. I put him in the basement, a metaphor for trying to push my feelings away and wanting to shut the door. It doesn't work; he just squalls more loudly from down there, and the feelings just bubble beneath the surface.
Things that might be minor annoyances are today sufficient enough to cause angry loud outbursts. I want to run away, I want to crawl into bed and pull the covers over my head. I want to do something, I want to do nothing. I want to cry but at the same time I feel dried out, devoid of emotion. I feel like my life is useless and pathetic. Their lives would probably vastly improve if they didn’t have to tolerate my crazy mood swings and anger.
I tell myself I'm just stressed and sad, but that’s not really it. I'm just tired of being me.

God I hope I am actually on the right path out of the woods. I can't stay lost in here much longer...

(Okay, I wrote this earlier this morning...then I had some dark chocolate, took my vitamins and my B supplements and Mace just nursed to sleep - gotta love those happy nursey hormones! - and I feel a lot better. I'm still going to post this because I did feel it, and it's valid...)

The upside to having no sex for over three weeks? (and stay with me, there *is* an upside!)
When your period is 5 days late you know you're still ok.

Although methinks the red sea will be parting bright and early tomorrow morning. 'Course I've thought that for three days now.

I feel totally unneccesary right now.

So I went to my first therapy appointment today. I have to meet with a "pre-counselor" in order to get that appointment with the counselor and doctor (next week and week after).

I almost broke down with this person today, and she's not even my counselor. I just felt so overcome at the thought of someone really listening to me. And telling me there's a name for how I feel. And that it usually responds very well to therapy and meds. I see a light at the end of this, I see the possibility.

I don't have much to say lately, just some irl drama that's keeping me occupied.

I had the flu this week and finished The Da Vinci Code and Angels and Demons (both by Dan Brown) and may I just say they were freaking fantastic! Also read Blessings by Anna Quindlen and cried my stupid eyes out.

I hope everyone had a great start to the year and I'll be back soon with stuff to talk about.