I feel a bit like Hannah Homemaker today. The kids and I made soaps and bookmarks for them to give to family and friends for Christmas. They got to play in our newly blanketed with snow yard, then I made them hot cocoa (and not the mix with water kind, nope, we made the real thing) and my kitchen is clean before bed.

From the outside it looks smooth as silk. But I feel like I'm coming apart at the seams. It always seems a struggle. I know quite a few moms who manage all those things above before lunch. Then have time for their own pursuits and interests. I know I should stop beating myself up, and it's not that I'm actively feeling guilty, it's just that I want their secret. I want to know how to get everything done then still have time to write or to paint or to..whatever. I do see moments in my day that I could use more effectively, maybe that's the secret. Maybe I'm just not utilizing my time wisely. Right now, I need to be working out so I don't get to bed at midnight like I have the last week...but Mace is awake. He took a late nap so I'm thinking I won't get to work out until about 11 therefore no bed before midnight as usual. When I worked, I felt like I was doing it all, like everything was getting done. I was bringing home the bacon and frying it up in a pan, as it were. But now I feel like a schlump most days. Last week there was a day when I wore my lounge pants all day. Not to say that everyone who wears their lounge pants all day are lazy beasts like myself, but you get the idea.

This past week was a total waste in most respects. Though I was PMS'ing, that's not a valid excuse. Hormones do not excuse taking a week off homeschooling! To be honest, I do feel like things get done most of the time. The clothes get washed, the dishes get washed, the floor gets vacuumed and the kids get taught. But I guess I'm trying to figure out how to carve out a little time for myself. I think THAT'S the problem. I start feeling like I never get a minute to myself which makes me feel overwhelmed and anxious, then I don't feel like doing the basics either.

Well, my little guy just climbed up to me in his jammies with the feet and wants to nurse. He said "milk" today. He's yummy! I guess I need to revel in his sweetness for now; the jammies won't fit forever.