Eight years ago this week, I was a very different woman than I am today. I was newly married, only six months in. We were only three months past having a miscarriage that was my first brush with the delicate divine I was trying so desperately to achieve. Eight years ago this week, we were trying to get pregnant again, not really understanding the enormity of the task. Eight years ago this week, I whizzed on a white stick and found out we were expecting our first child, Gage.

I’ve been thinking a lot about this, and who I was back then compared to who I am now. Sure I sometimes miss life being all about me. I admit to missing the ability to sleep in until however late I wanted, to being able to have relations with my husband whenever I wanted (and it was better back then, was it not?), I miss a lot of things about my pre-child self. But it seems like she was a different person completely than the one who sits here typing today. I’ve gone through an utter transformation in my views and thoughts on the world in general and my life in particular.

Who was I back then? A worker bee, a drone. I thought it was all about working a lot, “getting ahead” and being a grown up. I remember Scott trying to tell me it didn’t have to be that way, but I thought he was just not wanting to accept realities. He knew I just wasn’t ready to see the light just then. Looking back now, that woman was boring and going through life eyes closed.

But now....I think I see where we’re going, I don’t have to be responsible every minute, I can be a kid with my kids. I don’t have to know all the answers or even balance my checkbook regularly. I feel like shouting from the rooftops “I DON’T KNOW THE BALANCE OF MY CHECKING ACCOUNT!” I’ve let go of a lot of the notions I had back then about how life should be. I know now that it’s all open and out there and ready to be dived into. Okay, so many days I’m wading in the kiddie pool, but it’s nice knowing I can dive when I feel like it...I’m not stuck in the shallow end if I don’t want to be.

My life is full of boundless riches these days, and I do attribute that to my little family in many ways. They forced me to open my eyes and see the divine in the everyday.