Since I'm fairly sure no one is reading here lol I'm going to rant on...

So I'm not sure what is up with my up and down desire for another baby. Just within this morning, I went from thinking I was really done and felt good about it to wanting to be pregnant RIGHT NOW! lol I have no idea what's up with me.

I know I'm trying to let it go and let whatever is meant to happen, happen. But, for many reasons, that's hard to do. It's hard for most people to do. About most things.

For me, I think what I'm most concerned about is the time factor. I mentioned something to dh the other night about him not wanting to take risks in regard to birth control. His response was "not yet". I don't get that. I'm going to be 36 in just over two months, it's not like I'm 25 and we could do this anytime in the next 10 years. I sort of want to know, in a general way, where my life is going. Do I let myself step out of this baby time, looking forward and just try to let it go? Or are we going to be doing this for a bit longer? I know none of us can know, with certainty, what tomorrow, next month, next year holds. But I just want a vague idea lol. I'm a planner, yes, but most people would want this hashed out in some way.

Even without the age issue, I have issues with certain times of the year. I want to garden and preserve...so Summer and early Fall would be a bad time to be either green feeling or heavily pregnant. I know many women can do all that and feel perfectly fine, I'm not so sure I could. I wouldn't want to get pregnant in the Spring when they're spraying God knows what all over the fields. AND I can't be due in the middle of winter because my midwives are over an hour away and I'm half an hour from the hospital. So...lol that looks like I'm screwed doesn't it. I've covered every month I think. I guess there' s not a spectacular time to be pregnant, and I'd get by no matter what. The Spring spraying and the bad weather are my biggest concerns. Getting pregnant this month or next would probably be ideal but there's NO way dh is going to be onboard with that. And wait until next year? hmmm. Mid summer would probably work well too though...I could get through the fatigue and "morning" sickness to get things harvested and canned I think.

Dumb. This is all just dumb planning for no reason. I have no idea what I want or what he wants. Crazymaking (as I'm sure anyone reading this would agree..I AM stark raving mad lol)

Now back to my not-so-insane life :) I have a seed order to place and preparations to make for my first big gardening year. I'm really excited!!