I've had a very....enlightening few weeks. I've been excited about this year because I've finally decided to put some work into ME. And not in the usual sense, not concerning weight or appearance. I'm going to put more time into figuring out what I can do to be happier and mentally healthier. I've started reading some books that have already had an impact on me, on my thinking anyway. I'm trying to implement these new thoughts and make some positive changes. It's hard to talk about, or type about, because I can't completely explain it myself. But these things I'm reading seem to be resonating with me, I'm feeling drawn to these types of changes and this way of thinking. I feel happier in just the short time I've been treading these waters. Of course, big changes aren't always easy and I'm seeing that there's big work to be done. I'm looking forward to it though, and hoping I can stay in this place.

I'm trying really hard not to dwell on things I should or should not do in the future. I truly feel those things are already written and I can't change them even if I wanted to. So obsessing about whether or not to have another child is pretty useless. I'm just open to whatever is supposed to happen. I've always thought that if a spirit needed in badly enough, it would find a way. I'm just going to remain open to it, open to anything really.

I know I might sound silly to some, but it's just so neat to finally "get" these things (as much as I can this early on anyway). It's a work in progress and I'm hopeful!

Everything is as it should be...