The last few weeks have been a whirlwind. Lily will be 5 weeks tomorrow and she's beautiful and serene. She sleeps through the night already, and during the day will have alert times where she just watches the world going on around her. Obviously, we're totally smitten!

We're dealing with some issues though. When we first saw Lily, I had thoughts of Down syndrome. I knew I had an increased risk due to the rpd we saw on the ultrasound at 20 weeks, but I figured that's why it was on my mind and I let it go. The next day, I asked my husband if he saw what I did and we made an appointment to take her to the pediatrician. He said he could also see what I was seeing, but wasn't overly concerned. He ordered the test, but the lab here couldn't do the test since it wasn't a common test and they hesitated to do it on such a small baby when they weren't very experienced. Tomorrow, we'll be going down to Children's Hospital to have the blood drawn for the test. This is after my midwives also mentioned it and thought I should have the test and various friend and relatives have confided they thought the same thing. I'm almost sure she does have it.

While I've been feeling pretty okay with all this, feeling like whatever the outcome we'll manage, I'm having moments of worry. And I think it's not unfounded. I'll be fine one minute then realize this means she won't have children, likely won't marry, won't get past a certain point and into what most of us would call "normal" adulthood. Then I'm trying to be uber PC, and not say "normal" as if it's the opposite of her. Obviously she's her own normal. I start wondering what will have to change in our lives; will we still be able to homeschool our other children, would be homeschool her or would it be better for her to get more socialization through a school environment, how will this effect the plans we had made for the rest of our lives. It's silly, because no one knows what the future holds. There's no way to say we'd all have had this "normal" existence even without this one extra little chromosome...it's all just pipe dreams.

We'll know a bit more tomorrow...then the actual results can take up to 2 weeks to get back. I really think it's just a formality though.