I think reality is finally settling over me.

I notice that I keep saying "it's early". Having had one miscarriage, albeit almost 10 years ago, you still have that in the back of your head with any pregnancy. A positive pregnancy test does not mean you'll have a baby in 9 months. It means the possibility exists, not that it's a foregone conclusion. I've heard it said, and it's true, you lose your innocence having had a miscarriage.

Mine happened several months after we'd gotten married. We'd been together 3 years and were living together; we only got married because I decided I wanted to have kids, and Scott was onboard, and we figured it was the logical next step. Not sure why we thought that silly piece of paper meant squat involving kids, but we did it anyway. I got pregnant two months after our nuptials. I was ecstatic, I told everyone and anyone, we were having a BABEEEEEEY! I got up the morning of my first OB visit, at 7 weeks, and saw red. I didn't know much about much back then, but I knew that wasn't good. I remember numbly sitting in her office, her talking about genetic defects and no, it didn't mean I'd done anything wrong and yes, I'd very likely get pregnant again with no problems. Oddly, I dealt with it rather quietly. I accepted the fact that it was just a fluke, one of those things, supposed to happen for some higher reason I wasn't privy to.

We got pregnant a few months later and had Gage. Since then I've had no problems in my pregnancies, no miscarriages, not even a hint of spotting. But you still never know; I don't fully exhale until after that first 7 weeks, after that first milestone that I never passed the first time.