I can never quite get a grasp on my ebbs and flows. Last night, while holding my sleeping baby and watching As Time Goes By I just felt so happy. Giddy even. Just excited by the possibilities spread out in front of me like so much chocolate. I wondered then why that seems to happen and what I did to deserve feeling so good? There was nothing different, nothing I had done or hadn't done to provoke those feelings of well being.

And then this morning, I felt desolate and a bit sad. Again, for no real reason. Nothing bad is going on in my life, I lead a pretty charmed existance relative to others I know.

I don't like these extremes of emotion. And they're not even extreme exactly, just opposite enough to be palpable but nothing more.

It's nothing to be really concerned about, but I just wonder why it happens when there seems to be no external or even internal reason for it.

And obviously, I 'd rather feel like I did last night all the time. That would be nice.

I hesitate to cop to my love of As Time Goes By as it 's not something I would normally be drawn to. I stay up late to watch the damned thing! But I have to say that it is funny, and as it's from the BBC I just love it. This feeds another quirk of mine - that's I'm an avowed Anglophile. Ever since I was in my early teens my biggest dream has been to travel to the U.K. I read the Guardian online, I mainly read Irish and English chick-lit writers, I just love it. I have a feeling I lived out a previous incarnation in England somehow, I just feel this pull. A part of me is afraid when I finally do get to go it just won't live up to the mental image I have of it. Kind of like when you re-visit places from your youth and they're just not the same as how you'd remembered them. I think I'm willing to take the risk though.