So....I start a new job on Monday. It's just 15 hours a week, and it's at the Library so it's sort of fun and not really like a "real job" but there you go.

I'm feeling ambivalent about it. On the one hand, I'm lazy and I don't want to go to work! On the other hand, we need to supplement our income so it'll be good in that respect. The hours work out with Scott's so that we won't need childcare or anything like that, so there's a plus.

Overall, life is pretty good right now...it's warming up outside and I'm feeling well inside. Not at all a bad place to be!

You would think that if one were truly concerned about one's ever expanding ass, one would refrain from grabbing chocolate chips by the handful everytime one goes through the kitchen.

You would think that, wouldn't you?

Okay, I stole the idea from Kym....

How to play:
1. Turn on your mp3 player (my Dell Jukebox)
2. Set the mode to random.
3. List the first ten songs that play, no matter how embarrassing.

And mine are:
1. Andalucia by John Cale
2. 100 Years by Five for Fighting
3. Swimming In Your Ocean by Crash Test Dummies
4. Cry by Godley and Cream
5. Have A Little Faith In Me by John Hiatt
6. Leavin' On A Jet Plane by Peter, Paul and Mary
7. Iron Lion Zion by Bob Marley
8. With My Own Two Hands by Ben Harper
9. Sabotage by Beastie Boys

I only had 9 on my current playlist...so there ya go...

I have been such a bad blogger lately!

Life has been really hectic though. Root canals, girl scouts, boy scouts, birthdays, job interviews (egads!) and all kinds of crazy things have kept me busy for the last few weeks.

And I truly think that starting the Zoloft was a good thing for me. I find that I'm not glued to the computer as much as I was before. Part of me thinks that maybe I was using surfing the net and keeping up with my message board friends to allay stress and anxiety; I could just talk about babies and fluff and not think about all the crazy crap going on in my life. But now I feel stronger, more able to confront the "stuff" and enjoy the life being lived with each breath. I don't feel like I need an escape. Ahhh. It feels good!

But I'll try to keep up better here. Lots of stuff going on in my life and I need an outlet; my paper journal is sorely in need of an update, but I type faster so this is easier.

Been doing some navel gazing lately.

For a long time now, our plan has been to sell this house and move onto some land that was given to us by my mom. We were going to put a used mobile home on the property and after a while, build our little eco-house. That was the plan anyway.

So I'm trying to figure out why we're not moving in that direction, even when the opportunity is right in front of us. Near our plot of land, a mobile home went up for sale after the owners had built a new house on their lot. It was cheap and do-able. Wasn't this what we had wanted?

Then I waffled. I started thinking about the actual LIVING in this decades old mobile home. Out in the country. And I got nervous. Plus there was the selling of our house (which looks like it will be difficult) and the shuffling around of finances to get everything going.

I started thinking about how nice it is being so close to the library and the grocery store. That Gage has just made some good friends in the neighborhood. That we homeschool and I'm already antisocial; if we live in the country will I ever get the kids out? And I like our house here, I really do. It's roomy and nice and we just re-did the bathroom. And Mason was born here, literally in the living room.

So I wonder why I get so attached to things, like this house. And why I seem to talk the talk so easily but when faced with a path on which to walk the walk, I freeze. And I wonder what the hell we're going to do about our finances in order to stay here. Is it worth it?

I don’t know. I guess I just felt the time wasn't right. The universe was screaming at me to slow down and not jump into this, so I didn't. I'm not sure what the future holds for us here, but here we'll be at least for a bit longer. I hate feeling unsure about the future, but after we made the decision NOT to jump into this change I feel more at peace. So it was the right decision, even if we're still all stressed out and not sure what we're going to do.

A part of me knows I would have more easily made the transition were it not for the kids. Do we have a right to foist big changes upon them, changes that may not be for the best? I'm not so sure. I could move to a yurt, but I don't think I could do it with three kids. I'm not sure it's in their best interests.

Ah well. Mace is up from his nap and we're off for coffee...

Let me just recap our last two weeks for ya, kay?

-my back goes out, compressed disk. Couple visits to the chiro and a week of ouchies and it got better.
-while said back was out, Gage gets stomach bug, seems to go away okay
-Maddie and I get stomach bug, we both hurl lots.
-Several days later Gage has horrible stomach pains and ever the over worried mom we head to the ER, he's just really constipated
-Scott has to go to the ER same day as Gage for excruciating hip pain, turns out to be (we think thus far) a bad case of bursitis. So far a course of prednisone AND a corticosteroid injection have not touched the pain. He went to work this morning because he felt he just "had to"
-Maddie and Mason get head colds.
-At midnight Maddie wakes up with ear pain.

And yes, that ALL happened in the course of just under two weeks. Did we piss off the gods or what??