Been doing some navel gazing lately.

For a long time now, our plan has been to sell this house and move onto some land that was given to us by my mom. We were going to put a used mobile home on the property and after a while, build our little eco-house. That was the plan anyway.

So I'm trying to figure out why we're not moving in that direction, even when the opportunity is right in front of us. Near our plot of land, a mobile home went up for sale after the owners had built a new house on their lot. It was cheap and do-able. Wasn't this what we had wanted?

Then I waffled. I started thinking about the actual LIVING in this decades old mobile home. Out in the country. And I got nervous. Plus there was the selling of our house (which looks like it will be difficult) and the shuffling around of finances to get everything going.

I started thinking about how nice it is being so close to the library and the grocery store. That Gage has just made some good friends in the neighborhood. That we homeschool and I'm already antisocial; if we live in the country will I ever get the kids out? And I like our house here, I really do. It's roomy and nice and we just re-did the bathroom. And Mason was born here, literally in the living room.

So I wonder why I get so attached to things, like this house. And why I seem to talk the talk so easily but when faced with a path on which to walk the walk, I freeze. And I wonder what the hell we're going to do about our finances in order to stay here. Is it worth it?

I don’t know. I guess I just felt the time wasn't right. The universe was screaming at me to slow down and not jump into this, so I didn't. I'm not sure what the future holds for us here, but here we'll be at least for a bit longer. I hate feeling unsure about the future, but after we made the decision NOT to jump into this change I feel more at peace. So it was the right decision, even if we're still all stressed out and not sure what we're going to do.

A part of me knows I would have more easily made the transition were it not for the kids. Do we have a right to foist big changes upon them, changes that may not be for the best? I'm not so sure. I could move to a yurt, but I don't think I could do it with three kids. I'm not sure it's in their best interests.

Ah well. Mace is up from his nap and we're off for coffee...