He's still sleeping so far...

I've been giving a lot of thought lately to his birth. I've had two and a half months now to process it.

I gave birth to him at home, as we had planned. What I hadn't planned, however, was my reaction to it. I had heard many other homebirthers talk about how empowering it was, how having a homebirth was life altering and changed them inexplicably. I didn't feel that. Still don't actually. It was a birth, I had a baby, life continued.

I think a part of it is that I don't feel comfortable being self-congratulatory. But I pushed an eleven and a half pound human being out of my body, with no epidural, no doctor, no hospital. How amazing is that! That we women are capable of pushing forth a PERSON? A whole person? It is awe inspiring. I feel that. But I hesitate to tell myself that I'm amazing, that I'm awe inspiring. I don't feel that way in my soul.

I also expected everyone to tell me different. I expected this experience to change my husband and it didn't. Not that he's not great as is, but I thought he would be impressed by what I did; I thought he would tell me he was proud of me. I thought other people would validate my experience. And how silly is that? Why should I hesitate to congratulate myself just because others didn't? I shouldn't. So I'm here saying it now. I'm strong, I'm proud of myself and I'm amazing.

My baby is blog sensitive. I swear, everytime I come over here with something to say, he wakes from a dead sleep! He's lying on pillows right now looking at me with half open eyes. He's so deliciously cute that I can't really complain, but I have a million things I'd like to blog-ify. Oh well, another say I suppose. Off to smell sweet baby neck.

Does anyone else have weird music tastes?

Right now I'm playing Feed The Trees by Belly and Easy Like Sunday Morning by the Commodores. And let's not even get into what else is in my KaZaa folder.

I'm a downloadin' music junkie.

Who the heck am I anyway? And does anyone care?

Seriously, I never did introduce myself. I just started blogging like some depraved blogger. So here I be..

I'm 30-almost-31. I live in a small mideastern town in the United States. I'm a democrat with strong independent leanings. I have a strong aversion to dubya. A STRONG aversion; he's destroying our planet and making our country into a mean big brother who can't keep his nose out of everyone's business. I have three kids; my oldest son is almost seven, my daughter is four and my baby boy is almost 3 months. I stay at home to take care of them, for the time being anyway. I wish I were a writer. I'm married to a wonderful man who makes me laugh. Life is good (other than having an idiotic republican in office).

So there you have it. Don't say you don't know me.

Still here, realizing how lucky we are to just be. As Gatemouth Brown said "from the day of your birth 'till you ride in a hearse things could always be worse. Be grateful". Ain't it the truth.