Life's been crazy lately. Reallllly crazy lol. But we're dealing. It'll be okay in the end. It's just getting to that "end" that will be frustrating.

Some financial problems have cropped up that we thought had "gone away"...funny how problems with money really never seem to just disappear on their own lol. Again, we'll manage and it'll end up okay, it's just trying to figure things out and work everything around that's really stressing me out. And we'll have to use money we had earmarked for some repairs/renovations on the house. Ohhhh well. We'll still be able to add on a nicer front porch and do the new roof, but the addition will have to wait a little while. And hopefully the other "problems" that are still out there floating around won't come down on us anytime soon :(

We've had someone offer to help us get the addition started...and no, they don't know about these current problems lol. But I hate being endebted to someone, and this person has offered because they think we're insane and too crowded in this house. Nevermind that in most countries people live in houses this small and much smaller even. I guess in the US everyone thinks you MUST have a thousand or so square feet per person (rolling my eyes here). So it's not that this person just wants to help out of the goodness of their heart, it's a "pity" thing and will come with strings. Of course we'd be working on paying it back right away, and dh is for it, but I'm just not sure. I don't like owing people! So we may just do a little here and there and see what happens.

AND this person would literally FLIP if we ended up having another baby in the midst of all this. So I don't want to be endebted to a person who will be really angry (yes, angry about US deciding to have another baby...why people allow themselves to get all up in other people's business I'll never know) so I don't want to be in that position, yk?

Not that I'm thinking we definitely will or won't be adding on in that way :) Dh has said things like "I'm not saying we won't" and "maybe" a lot lately which is really surprising me. Though he doesn't want to do anything soon and my eggs are getting older by the second lol so it likely won't happen anyway.

BUT, anyway...here's hoping this "thing" will be easy to pay and take care of and we can get on with things. I've got my onions started, got my gardening calendar filled in, planning some fun day trips for this Spring and Summer with the kids...things are going well overall.

I'm feeling really good today...I've lost 9 lbs over the last week and a half! I'm going to leave my ticker above as is, because I'd last changed it in mid November (after that awful sickness that lasted for almost three weeks..os obviously some of that was illness related and came back pretty quickly lol) I'll be back at that 34 lb loss in a few days, so it's all okay lol I'm sitting at 32 lbs total right now.

I was saying recently that I hate focusing on the number on the scale. It's hard to explain, but it feels so silly to worry about that. To feel that I'm defined by that. But it does motivate me, I'm not one of those people who can get internally motivated or feel motivated by occasional clothing looseness lol so I need that number to let me know I'm going in the right direction, making the right changes. I wish I weren't like this, but I am.

And as I've said ad nauseum, I'm not striving for skinny. Just to feel better and look better in my clothes is what I'm working on. The former moreso than the latter. I know my back pains and other assorted aches and pains are mainly due to my weight.

I guess, deep down, I'm also hoping it has a positive effect on my dh's desire to have another baby. I know he worries about my health and would just like me to lose some weight too...

Who knows lol