Wouldntchaknowit, my family had to get involved this weekend as well.

I fail to understand how, when we're trying to make decisions in our childrens best interests, we continually get judged as bad parents by mainstream society. No, we don't beat our children with a wooden spoon and even threaten them with it regularly as my brother does. No, we don't send our kids to school because we believe this is the best way, the appropriate way to learn. No, we don't want to be working all the time and never seeing our kids just to have more stuff.

I cannot see how these things make us bad parents. If I had jumped on my brother and told him he was abusing his kids with that spoon, or that his working all the time was buying them things but they were missing out on his kids lives, or that he was making an ill-informed choice by sending his kids to school and that they would be scarred for life, I would be looked on as the judgemental, meanspirited one. But as long as we're attacking alternative choices, then it's all okay you know. Our choices are only okay as long as other people are making the same choices, MORE people are making the same choices. No going against the grain!

Why is mainstream society so close minded? Why do they just blindly go about their lives without thinking that there are other ways of doing things? I know, I shouldn't say "they" or I'm being just as judgemental as those who judge us. But it does seem a large number of people in the world are blind to environmental issues, problems with the education system in this country, positive ways of raising children.

I'm very frustrated today.

My mother in law is driving me crazy again. Just today it was "did you two talk more about sending G to -insert name of local private school-? You know we'll pay for it". I figured it was safe to say "well no, he doesn't really want to. He still wants to homeschool" then the whole can of worms opened up.
Her: "YOU are the parent, he doesn't make the decisions"....
Me: "well, if it were up to just ME, we're going to continue homeschooling. I let HIM decide if he wants to try school"
Her: "well, he doesn't even know what school is like"
Me: "he has friends who are in school. He sees school displayed as this fun, wonderous place on some of the shows he watches and he STILL doesn't want to go."

and it went downhill from there. Scott was really good about pointing out our reasons for doing what we do. At first she starts out saying she's worried he doesn't have a lot of friends. But he has three pretty close friends, plus 4-5 other friends he plays with from time to time. For a kid who didn't really get involved in much this past fall and winter that's pretty good (he didn't want to re-up for Scouts and wasn't into anything the Y was offering so he does his bowling league and that's pretty much it lately). Then she says "everyone" she knows who homeschooled turned out "weird" or something. But this one person who apparently did it right was one who got her kids up at 8 and sat down and had "school" at the table, with lunch and recesses. Yikes! If I wanted to do that, I wouldn't really be homeschooling! So I guess she's worried about friends and that he's not learning right. UGH! I'm so tired of her judgements, I'm so tired of her thinking she knows the only right way to do things. The sad part is, I don't think she'd ever change her mind no matter what we did or said about homeschooling. She said she "feels sorry for him". Well, by all means don't hang around here chick, if you're just going to pity everyone!

If you're new to these parts you know my mil and I have never been kindred spirits (and who am I kidding, I'm talking to myself here lol). I told Scott I think everyone in our lives would breathe a collective sigh of relief if we both went out and got full time jobs tomorrow and put our kids in school. We might be miserable, but the rest of the world would be happy. You can't question the matrix you know. I find it amazing that people are so caught up in things having to be "just so" that they fail to look for anything beyond their field of perceptions. You HAVE to have your baby in the hospital, you HAVE to send your kids to school, you HAVE to work constantly to have things that don't make you happy in the end...have to, have to, have to. No one wants to ask the proverbial three year old question...."but WHY?".

Last night I watched a special on PBS about the music of the 60’s. Fabulous music, a fabulous era. As I was singing along to The Mamas and The Papas, Strawberry Alarm Clock et al I started to wonder where it all went wrong.

Society was pulsing with a desire to be more, do better back then. There was an alternative to the way the world was traveling, a road less traveled if you will. Wars could really be ended, peace and love could really win out. There were so many people involved in this mindset, it wasn’t just a few left of center types out there. Momentum was growing! Everything was possible!! And what happened? Nothing. Apparently the mid to late 70’s and the 80’s came along and all the hippies cut their hair and got jobs on Wall Street and forgot about the very things they were trying to do in the 60’s. Sure there are still a few left, mostly in SoCal or New Mexico, but there’s not this wide sweep of peace and love there used to be.

So I got to thinking. And then I started surfing. Surprisingly, there are quite a few websites and forums where this topic has been discussed. It was eye opening to say the least. I guess it’s easy for me to sit here and say “nothing happened” but in many small ways, big changes did take place. I think the main thing was that life happened. The “hippies” got older and had kids. Now, I will never say that having kids makes it impossible to live in an alternative way. Having a family just makes it a bit harder to do that, and a lot easier to buy into our overly consumeristic society that just wants us to be automatons. I think many hippies fell sway to this thinking; the thinking that you have to have a full time job with a fat 401(k) and send your kids to good schools so they can get into good colleges and there’s no other way. It’s easy to fall into that trap I’ll admit. Then there’s the issue of all the posers who took hold of the coattails of the hippie movement because it was fashionable or “cool”. These people really had no interest in changing the world, they just wanted the street cred that came along with being a hippie. You still see this today. Visit hippie sites and there are people on there who make you go hmmmm. On many sites, former hippies take issue with the term hippie itself; they say they were called “freaks” and not “hippies” and the term itself was media created. There’s even thinking that the alignment of the outer planets had something to do with the radical changes that took place in the late 60’s.

I guess overall I’m sad that this movement didn’t take more of a foothold. Just listening to that music and seeing the passion these people felt for their cause…it was awe inspiring. I’m sad that more young people today don’t see a way out, they don’t see that there are options other than birth-school-work-death. I’m sad that it looks like we’re moving in the opposite direction; we’re governed by a very conservative faction of an already conservative political party. The really frightening part is that there had to be some former hippies voting Republican last year, a fact I cannot reconcile in my brain of brains.

The really funny part I see is that there is still hippie bashing alive and well some 35 years after the fact. Those who buy into the status quo lock, stock and barrel seem to still need to tell us just how wrong this alternative mindset really is. No really! Mindlessly working your life away, buying all kinds of things to make you happy from cars to pharmaceuticals then realizing they don’t make you happy after all is the American way dontchaknow! I really liked a quote I found on one of the sites: too soon we grow old and too late we grow smart.

Okay, I was thinking last night that maybe I didn't word my last post correctly. I'm thinking it came out like I'm fat but I eat a healthy diet while all those other fat slobs are that way because they eat Big Macs and Doritos all day. That's not what I was trying to say.

It just seems that most people in this country, fat or no, eat a diet loaded with processed foods, fast foods, refined carbs, chemically flavored or enriched and full of who-really-knows-what. In general, overweight people probably DO tend to eat more of whatever kind of food they normally eat. So therefore, if they're already eating junky food and MORE of it than other people then I can see where we might end up with numbers that make it look like those people are dying earlier from the obesity when it just might be the food itself. I mean, look at the numbers...cancer is on the rise in *everyone*, heart disease is on the rise, cholesterol problems abound and not just in overweight people. These things are happening for a reason, and I can't believe the *only* reason is excess weight.

It's a given that everyone can benefit from a better diet. For me, that means more whole grains, from my bread to my pastas, trying to cut out trans fats completely (those partially hydrogenated buggers), eating organic whenever I can, eating vegetarian and more whole foods, preferably homemade. I'm not saying I eat like this all the time, and I would probably be much healthier if I did. I try to do this, along with upping my exercise. But at the same time, I know that these changes are not going to result in some great weight loss. So I'm just thinking society needs to understand that just because a person is overweight, they're not going to keel over and die tomorrow if they lead a healthy life in other ways.

That's what I was trying to say yesterday. And hey, check out my profile! I added a pic!

The story is again circulating the news outlets that our “obesity epidemic” in this country is cutting years off our lives; it may, they’re telling us, actually reverse the trend toward longer lifespans we’ve been seeing over the last decades.

While I don’t fully discredit the science behind this, I don’t believe it’s the fat in and of itself that’s causing the problem. I think it’s the crap in the food that most overweight people eat that’s the problem. I’m going to hazard to guess that many people with weight problems eat fast food and preservative laden chemically processed foods. Not all overweight people mind you, but many. I and other people I know who are overweight don’t eat these kinds of foods, at least not regularly. I want a study on overweight people who eat whole grain products, who are even vegetarian, who avoid processed, refined foods and fast foods. Even those who – gasp- exercise! Yes, you can be overweight and still eat a well balanced diet and get regular exercise. I’m not going to say my diet is perfect; I have a penchant for chocolate and baked goods. Even sticking with dark chocolate and baked goods I make myself with organic whole wheat flour, turbinado sugar and trans-fat free margarines, I eat more of these things than I “should” and that’s where my excess weight comes from. I like bread. Sure it’s usually organic 100% whole wheat, but too many carbs can and will result in excess weight.

I would love a study done on those of us who do eat pretty healthfully and who get exercise but who are overweight by society’s standards. I don’t really feel we’re negatively impacting our lifespan. I don’t even think we’re really increasing our risk of disease like diabetes and high blood pressure, cancer and heart disease. It seems that certain foods may be the culprit of these things rather than the size of our waistlines. How would we know? The only criteria these studies are based on is weight, not lifestyle and dietary intake. So we’re left to just assume that it’s the weight and not everything else we’re consuming on a daily basis. I think the problem is that, again, many overweight people tend to eat badly so therefore we see more of the health issues. I truly think that changing what we eat and what we do, whether it results in a lower number on the scale or not, is what’s important.

The news lately has saddened me. No big surprise there. Both locally and nationally it seems there are just some really bad people doing really bad things. I know, I know...I said I don't watch the news. And I guess that's surprising too; I've not actually sat down and watched a news show, I'm just getting these stories from here, yonder and there. The scrolling bar at the bottom of CNN when I pass it (it's almost hypnotic! Usually I do end up getting sucked in, especially for the entertainment portion) or when I'm trying to catch the local weather report I see and hear things that I don't want to see and or hear.

Someone just came in here who gave me a whiff of school cafeteria sloppy joe. You know that aroma don't you? Interesting...

Anyway. Just floating by lately, trying to figure out my Next Big Thing. I'ma major drama queen and I thrive on drama. I need to be doing something, planning something, stirring the pot and getting my panties wadded and all that jazz. Nuttin. Things have slowed down lately and I guess that's okay. I shouldn't need so much "stuff" going on to get my motor running. How many metaphorical references can I squeeze into this paragraph? We'll see. I need to start working on living in the moment again, enjoying the here and now. Because soon the here and now will be the there and yesterday.

There's my philosophical bent for today. Now give me more cowbell!

Forgot to add...

Haven't heard anything about the bid we put in on the house. Ah well. I think we need more planning time and a bit more time to add to our savings. It *will* happen, but maybe in a few months rather than next week.

My two year old has celebrity teeth. All white and pretty and perfect. Shining white crowns on the four in front, plus some sealants, a crown and a couple fillings in back.

The surgery went well and he's fine. He didn't like the "no nursies after midnight" rule and stayed up from 3 a.m. in protest. He was fine for the hour drive to the hospital - laughing and clapping and dancing in his seat. He didn't love the sleepy air, but went under quickly. The surgery only lasted a touch over an hour, less time than we thought it would. We were there as he woke up and he was quite perturbed to say the least. Lots of crying and he was mad at me for a bit (I was there when they used the evil gas! Bad mommy! I smite thee!). Since then he's not been in pain or upset; he's been his smiling, giggling self.

I'm so relieved it's over and done with! I've been stressing about it for the last month and feeling nervous every time he'd open his mouth and I'd see the cavities. I know the doctor told us he has a defect in his enamel, but part of me thinks that's just a cover and deep down he thinks we're horrible yuck-mouth parents who never brush Mace's teeth. I'll be honest in that Mace doesn't like his teeth brushed and it's a big ordeal. So yes, there have been some nights in there where we haven't brushed before bed. More than a few in fact. But I know people who don't brush teeth in babies under a year and no cavities. Yes, Mace's cavities started that young. Gage has never had a cavity problem. Maddie hasn't since she also had this type of surgery at 2 and a half.

Anyway, enough analyzing. It's over and it won't be happening again. Woohoo!

fuck you blogger!

just lost another post. And it was a big one! I promise! Oh well...

Everyone's healthy. I'm watching too much American Idol. I've decided I'm not going to live my life hating myself for something as stupid as my arse size. I'm a good person and I'm not going to squander life any more.

There's a new possible house we've bid on. That was the topic of my last post, plus all the downsizing we're going to have to do. And all the reasons I can find to NOT do it (those chairs are selling for $500 a piece on ebay! really!).

If I don't get back to post, think of us on Monday morning. Mason has his dental surgery. Nothing like your kid having to be put under general anesthesia for dental work to make you feel like the most shitastic mother.

Okay! I admit when I posted a bit ago I was in the throes of losing hope about our move along with a healthy dose of PMS. I'm now over that!

Been doing some surfing and my excitement is re-igniting. Reading over at SolarHaven has got me riled up again. Just seeing that other people have done it makes me see that it's a very real possibility. I laughed when reading about their problems with neighbors because we'll likely run into the same ones. We'll have older farmers all around us out there, with the exception of my brother and his family across the way. While they probably won't see it this way, I do actually agree with them about keeping land for farming and cutting way back on development. Our moving a mobile home onto the property isn't evidence to that belief, but I'm on their side just the same. My mom owns over 250 acres out there, most of which is rented out to one of the farmers now. We won't actually be using up any farm land at this point, the mobile home will go on the lot where the old farmhouse used to stand. In all honesty, I would like to have a bit of the surrounding area at a later time to get my garden going and such. I guess while I agree that urban sprawl and over development are really bad, I don't think over-farming is all that great either. Especially the traditional, pesticide and herbicide laden farming that's done in these parts. We grow way too many crops in this country as it is, much of which is just destroyed or let rot. Then all the farming subsidies kick in. I'll be honest in that I know just enough about the subsidies to be dangerous. The small farmers are still getting screwed even with subsidies and such. So for them, I can see where assistance is helpful in keeping them in business. The mega farms are the problems...they grow too much which makes the small farmers suffer, they get the best benefits of the subsidies, they're a powerful lobbying force. I don't know what the solution is. I think paring down and buying locally grown and only growing what you need in your area would help a lot. I think organic farming is a largely untapped market in Ohio. I think the farmers reliance on big business like ADM or *shudder* Monsanto is dangerous. I think society wide changes are in order. We can't tell the small farmers "just get a different job" because there aren't any of those out there either. We have to change how we look at growers and how we buy the food they grow.

Tangent city, I know.

Anyway...I hope the local farmers out there don't see us as just so much "trailer trash" taking up their land. I hope they see that we're trying to live more sustainably and closer to the land. My hopes aren't high though.

We're pretty sure we're moving onto that section with the existing septic system. Have to have the Health Dept check it all out though, then have one of the local contractors over to see if it needs repairs or whatnot. That will save us over $4,000 right there. Well, depending on the extent of the repairs I suppose. Scary! Rainwater catchment is looking very viable (it's also $4000 just to hook up to the water company out there). It's starting to make sense to me I should say. I'm not the most mechanically inclined person in the world. It seems with the right equipment and filtering system it can be entirely potable water. I don't know why I feel so shocked at that - I'm sure what comes out of our taps would scare the bejeezus out of me if I saw the whole process that it goes through and what it starts out as. And well water definitely isn't better. It's just easy to sit back and not think about where your water comes from, though, similar to how it's easier to buy those pink packages of meat at the grocery store without thinking about where they came from.

Anyway...suffice it to say I'm getting excited about this change again. No mortgage and little to no utility payments, that's exciting enough!

Well, that fell through. They likely would have accepted my second offer but then I discovered that I would also be responsible for back taxes and lot rent and that was...a lot. So I told him if they wanted to accept the first offer while I still paid the back fees, I would be open to that. Heck, HE didn't even know how much the back fees were. But no call back so I guess that's done with.

So anyway, we have a few more to look at possibly today unless this crazy snow keeps up. What's that old saying about in like a lion? Let's hope it holds true! These we're looking at now are privately owned, so likely no back fees, etc.. and we can just pay the cash price and be done with all the red tape.

I was a bit disappointed because it was bigger, and it was more attractive on the outside, but everything happens for a reason. Of course Scott thinks that maybe the dead skunk near our lot is maybe a premonition too haha.

Yesterday I looked out at our yard and thought that maybe we should just stay put. But that would mean us scrimping and living paycheck to paycheck and that's just not working. Gage even said the other day he wished we could have a day where someone wasn't going to work. Pretty much every day of the week one of us is gone. It's nice we dont' have to use daycare but it's hard on the family unit when we're always running from one job to the next. Right now, Scott's working two jobs and I've got this one and it makes for a crazy schedule.

So...I'm thinking we'll find a decent option here soon and get moving on it. If the snow lets up.