Something else I was thinking about recently...

I am so pro-woman that for a few minutes I thought no, women shouldn't be in combat. Leave the men to that. Women are soulful, mystical, life bearers...they are not war bringers.

But then someone pointed out that it's a slippery slope. If we say women can't be in combat, then where will the line be drawn? Will women be stopped from x simply because they are women? Makes sense, so my mind is changed. Well, that and my femme pride at seeing an interview with a female fighter pilot; you go woman!

I seriously think that once you hit your childbearing years you become a slave to your hormones; at least where childbearing is concerned. I admire those women who can put it off or even ignore the pull of babies. I really do.

I’m not one of them. I've come to the realization that I' m the type of woman who will never feel "done" having kids. When I was a teenager, I told anyone and everyone that I would never marry and absolutely never have kids. Just wasn’t crazy about them. They were alright, but way too much work for this lazy gal. People said I would change my mind, and I assured them that I would not. I met my now-husband and fell hard for him; we lived together but I still had no real urge to get married. Then I hit the ripe old age of 22. I’m sure the little guys controlling my hormones had been on sabbatical until then. They must have just noticed that they had turned off the biological clock! Oh no! All of a sudden I adored babies; just loved them; salivated over them in fact. Yes, let’s get married so we can have itty bitty baby-wabies!! I was a slobbering mess...

So we got married and had our first baby. It was bliss, it was wonderful! Life was good. Then he hit two years old and the old hormones started churning again. Baby, baby, BABY!!! So we had our daughter. And we were done! Surely we were done, right?! I felt done. For the most part...

But then the old baby lust kicked in again. Baby, baby, BABY! Now we have three kids. Three. From the girl who said she’d never push forth a babe from her loins. From the girl who never wanted a lot of responsibility. I feel like that guy from the commercial...the thought that I am responsible for another human life is utterly ridiculous! But I love my kids...god I love ‘em! And guess what...this time the hormone guys know I’m their bitch. They had me at hello. Baby, baby BABY!!

I'm now up to 40 pounds lost. Sorry, but I'm darned proud of myself! Why do I feel awful when I share good things I've done? Like I'm boasting or something...but I'm just happy I've come this far.

My Levi's are loose and I can see my toes in the shower. It's a good thing.

Still around...just trying to come to grips with everything going on. Trying not to watch so much CNN. Flipping over to the Love Boat just to get some brain candy...

On the homefront, I'm realizing it's impossible to get a house ready to sell with small children running amok. I'm wondering if tv-sedation is such a bad thing at this point.

Also, I'm going to be turning the big 3-1 on Sunday. Shouldn't I be a grown up by now? Nahhh....I'm just getting started!

"Heaven can wait,
We're only watching the skies
Hoping for the best
But expecting the worst
Are you going to drop the bomb or not?
Let us die young or let us live forever
We don't have the power
But we never say never
Sitting in a sandpit,
Life is a short trip
The music's for the sad men
Can you imagine when this race is won?
Turn our golden faces into the sun
Praising our leaders,
We're getting in tune
The music's played by the madmen"

Wow. Did Alphaville ever have it right. And they wrote the song back in '84.

The hawks are looking for any reason to get in there. I couldn't even listen to Powell blather on. Even after Blix and ElBaradei repoted progress, we have to jump in with "but, but, but..." It's never enough. I hear the drumbeat on the horizon and I am scared.

You know you've merged your womanhood with being a mother when you can watch your ebay cloth diaper auctions on one page while reading a very out there Sexual Health forum on another. I am woman, hear me roar!

A farmer in ancient Rome was known far and wide for his berry growing abilities. One year in particular he grew an altogether wonderful specimen, it was the most beautiful berry that ever was grown. People came from far and wide to admire the berry and sing it's praises.

The powers that be became jealous of the berry; they wanted to have the berry all to themselves. They didn't want to share the berry with anyone else. They sent soldiers to procure the berry.

When the soldiers knocked upon the farmers door, the farmer told them he was done showing the berry for the day, he was sitting down to dinner. The soldiers said "silly Farmer, we have come to sieze your berry, not to praise it".

Har har. That was my favorite joke in my dad's repertoire of bad jokes. And if you don't get it, read some Shakespeare for god's sake!

So I wanted to put someting out in the cyber world for my father.

He was an interesting man. He was born in 1923, he grew up in Cincinnati, Ohio. He had one brother to whom he did not speak for my entire life (31 years) due to some familial issues. He had a daughter from his first marriage with whom he also had no contact for whatever reasons. I'm not sure I'll ever understand that. Nor will I understand many things about my father. He was in intensely private person, not even sharing much of his past with his children. From what I know thus far he was a musician, a college professor, a teacher. Sounds like a very interesting life, but one I will now never have a window into.
He was extremely intelligent, and as such I was always surprised he was a die hard Republican. We had many a disagreement on politics. We used to sing the Archie Bunker theme, I doing the scream-y Edith portion. He used to love that. Before I always thought he wasn't proud of me, of us, but finding a sophomoric teenage poem that I wrote alongside his most cherished belongings proved otherwise. He just had high standards for us, that was all. I do believe he loved us, in his way. He could be controlling and mean spirited, but I think that was his condition. He had been in failing health for a while.
I'm glad he got to see Mason. I'm glad Gage and Maddie will remember him. He is a big reason I am who I am. I will miss matching wits with him, I will miss talking about inane TV trivia with him, I will miss him.

Mister Rogers passed away. Crap crap crap.

Sorry to have been silent (as if anyone cares! ha!)....

My father passed away last Monday. My son is 7 today and is throwing up. I'm eating way too much Valentine's candy.

I'll be back as soon as I feel able...

Impeach Bush!!! Get thee to this site now and cast your vote to impeach Bush.

I think it takes a special kind of stupid to injure ones self whilst doing crafts.

I finished my curtains and they look great! I'm quite pleasnatly surprised. I did however burn my hand on the iron I had left plugged in beside me. It was just a quick searing pain when I first touched it. But it has gradually progressed and now hurts worse than ever. I have a nice pink welt on my wrist an a reminder that I'm not crafty, damn it! Or maybe I'm just stupid. Either way, your call.

I'm going to regret this, I'm sure. I've hated my living room curtains ever since we moved in, but I was lazy. Almost six years lazy. So I finally got some taupe canvas tab top panels and funky iron rods. I put them up. Oh, wait, I forced Scott to put them up. Then I forced him to move the whole set-up over two inches. I'm high maintenance, what can I say?
But they looked so...blah. I mean, we're talking taupe canvas! Like I said, blah. So I got some fabric paint and stamps and I'm going to give this whole Martha thing a try (well, sans the insider trading bit). Hopefully soon we'll have pretty panels with assorted leaves in burgundy, forest green and yellow ochre (did you just flashback to Bob Ross?) along the sides. That's the plan anyway...

Oh, and if I hear dubya mispronounce "nuclear" one more time I'm going to literally hurl. I mean, okay, I don't pronounce everything correctly, but I'm not giving speeches to millions of people either, I don't have speechwriters feeding me lines. It's not "nuk-ya-ler" it's "nu-clee-ar" dumbass.
And this man is the leader of the free world? Oh no, that's right, he's just the usurper of power. It was a coup d'idiot that took place down there in Florida.

My son is odd. He chews on seat belts and everytime he goes to the bathroom he has to change clothes. Seven year olds confuse me...

Just trying to keep my mind off everything else going on in the world. I just said to some friends "Still seems weird to me that we're paying so much attention to a country that "might" have nuclear weapons when N Korea definitely does have them and is making more. This tidbit makes me believe that we're not hearing "facts" from Washington regarding Iraq. If we went to war lots of innocent people are going to die; these countries put their labs/storehouses in civilian neighborhoods for a reason. Powell wants us to believe this little country is outsmarting everyone by moving weapons around; if this is true they're geniuses or the inspectors/UN/US are idiots.
No matter what we do, there are still going to be terrorists making bio-terror weapons out there. Bombing the shit out of Iraq isn't going to change that. To prove that point, anyone know where bin Laden is? Come on, we couldn't find the guy in little old Afghanistan; if we couldn't do that then we're not going to wipe out terror by wiping out Iraq. We'll just get our hands on the oil. And isn't that convenient (when we're using more of it than anyone else)."

We all agreed that the sad part is that no one's asking us. So I distract myself with minutiae.

Too much with the internet today.

However, there is fresh bread baking in the oven and the house smells like something that smells really good. Baby is sleeping. Gage and Maddie not sitting zombie like in front of the TV. La vie est bonne (okay that's my feeble french, so shoot me).

Too much time online this morning...but alas I wanted to weigh in late on the Friday Five

1. As a child, who was your favorite superhero/heroine? Why?
-Probably the WonderTwins. They were great! And if you didn't like someone you could just say "form of, an ice pick" and "form of, an angry gorilla" and then go do some serious damage. Plus gleek was funny.

2. What was one thing you always wanted as a child but never got?
-The Barbie dreamhouse

3. What's the furthest from home you've been?
-Physically, probably about a thousand miles. Mentally, eons.

4. What's one thing you've always wanted to learn but haven't yet?
-Oh man, so much. To bellydance. To play the piano. To fluently speak a foreign language (preferably an obscure one. I once tried to learn Welsh but gave up quickly. Bord da)

5. What are your plans for the weekend?
-It's over already? Man! I must have missed it...

So I’m trying to cut down on our TV consumption lately. At times I want to just get rid of it altogether; but not because of the kids, I’m the TV junkie in our house. And I see how much time I just literally waste in front of that thing.
Growing up, my dad had ultimate control of the telly. We could watch what he wanted to watch at night, and maybe Captain Kangaroo during the day. That was about it. So I grew up with a steady diet of Barney Miller, MASH, Archie Bunker and Dallas. I remember he wouldn’t let us watch the Cosby Show. Why I don’t know. I think it was all a control thing.
So when I got to be old enough to choose what I wanted to watch, I was glutenous. I watched anything and everything. Old sitcoms were my favorites. From Facts of Life to (you guessed it) the Cosby Show, I watched them all. Back when my husband and I were just living together I recall staying up late talking while watching Star Trek NG and Golden Girls and eating cheesecake. We are odd. Hell, I have even been known to watch Charles in Charge on Nick at Nite when I’m up nursing Mason. I mean, come on, Charles in Charge? Was there ever a show with fewer redeeming qualities than that show? Seriously. My name is Cheryl and I’m a TV-aholic.
So that leads me to now. Now I’m way into Scrubs, some West Wing and even the occasional The Osbournes. I watch just about anything. I do draw the line at reality TV. I think that smacks of the Running Man and it scares me. So now I’m thinking we need to cut way back. TV is a time sucker not to mention almost an opiate. I think it takes away from people thinking about what’s going on in the world, it makes people complacent and pacified. Nothing too serious gets through. And that’s sad. I don’t want my kids getting that message.
I do regulate their time in front of the tube, I think that’s responsible (especially in a house with an addict like myself.) I’m actually turning off the TV more these days. I don’t have any one show that I just have to see. I don’t plan my day around TV anymore. That’s always good. I’m taking it one step at a time until hopefully we can rid ourselves of the thing sometime in the future. Plus I can always get spoilers online. I’m such a loser.

Today I feel good. In the last month I’ve shed 20 pounds. I feel lighter, healthier and more energetic. Sure I still have a fairly long road ahead of me, but just knowing I’ve started traveling the road is empowering. A part of me is anxious for others to notice, but at the same time I don’t want so much focus put on my weight, my exterior. To paraphrase Maya Angelou, that is not where my beauty lies. Unfortunately, we all seem to be defined to an extent by our exteriors. If we're heavy, thin, tatoo-ed, pierced, goth or gangsta. We're judged by what the mirror shows us.To be honest, I'm more drawn to the weird ones; they're usually more interesting and I learn much from them. They're freaking out the squares, and I dig that.
So today, go out and challenge your perceptions. Thank the Buddha for everyone put in your path.

My husband and I had an interesting discussion the other day. I hold that most women can envision having a lesbian relationship while most men cannot envision having a gay relationship. He agrees that there is no man that he finds attractive in a sexual way, while I do find many women sexually attractive. Just so you know, my husband is very enlightened about this; he's not anti gay in the least he just says that he personally wouldn't be interested in a sexual relationship with a man. I just say I wouldn't kick Meg Ryan out of bed.